Terror in Tosasth

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toddlyons
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Re: Terror in Tosasth

Post by toddlyons »

r7 Proofreading

The Realm of Haderax
p.126 "the Realm of Haderax is more than like dream with an agenda" to "the Realm of Haderax is
more than like a dream with an agenda"
p.127 "a being of pure evil who’s aim was annihilation of everything." to "a being of
pure evil whose aim was the annihilation of everything."
p.127 "Expressing “I’m worried about ghosts” likely will be followed by" to "Expressing
“I’m worried about ghosts” will likely be followed by"
p.128 "Victims give up all struggle and sink out of site forever." to "Victims give up all struggle and sink out of sight forever."
p.128 "He chooses those who deeds in life were indeterminate." to "He chooses those whose deeds in life were indeterminate."
p.130 "If they enter the Mourning Myrtles, they will hear the songs songs of the harpies" to "If they enter the Mourning Myrtles, they will hear the songs of the harpies"
p.130 Not sure if you mean to add "the" before "Mourning Myrtles"
p.131 "the stone dissolves into sands which is washed away." to "the stone dissolves into sand which is washed away.
p.131 "though she may be persuade by a charismatic PC" to "though she may be persuaded by a charismatic PC"

Unusual Monsters
p.132 "the minds of these deep ones is aligned" to "the minds of these deep ones are aligned"
p.132 "Also, no spells that produce a charming effect, including sleep spells, has any effect on them." to "Also, no spells that produce a charming effect, including sleep spells, have any effect on them."
p.133 "Dogboys are 5’ tall semi-humoid versions" to "Dogboys are 5’ tall semi-humanoid versions"
p.133 "Like hell hounds, they choose to breath fire" to "Like hell hounds, they choose to breathe fire"
p.134 "An artistic sculpturing Molok’s head," to "An artistic sculpturing of Molok’s head,"
p.134 "items are crushed as the pass down a tube," to "items are crushed as they pass down a tube,"
p.134 "in a inner chamber." to "in an inner chamber."
p.135 "Cold attack merely slow" to "Cold attacks merely slow"
p.136 "Practitioner of this art" to "Practitioners of this art"
p.136 "In a fields of sunflowers," to "In a field of sunflowers,"
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toddlyons
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Re: Terror in Tosasth

Post by toddlyons »

More r7 proofreading:

p.66 "Formerly a stonemason's workshop, worshipers converted it" to "Formerly a stonemason's workshop, worshippers converted it"
p.79 "Warror Enjoying Ale" to "p.79 "Warrior Enjoying Ale"
p.79 "Explorer Examing a Map" to "Explorer Examining a Map"
p.93 "caldron" to "cauldron" (2 occurrences)
p.109 "In the center of the mattres is a golden yellow topaz" to "In the center of the mattress is a golden yellow topaz"
p.109 "ivory dice (two, sixed-sided)" to "ivory dice (two, six-sided)"
p.115 Change abbreviated spell names to full names, with capitalization and boldface. Under Deep One Priest, change "Spells -- Prot from Good (+2 AC, +2 saves), 2 Cure Lt Wounds (1d6+1), 2 hold person, resist fire (+3 saves, damage halved), striking (+1d6 dam for 9 rounds), 2 dispel magic, prot good 10’ radius" to "Spells -- Protection from Good (+2 AC, +2 saves), 2 Cure Light Wounds (1d6+1), 2 Hold Person, Resist Fire (+3 saves, damage halved), striking (+1d6 dam for 9 rounds), 2 Dispel Magic, Protection from Good 10’ radius"
p.115 Under Deep One Acolytes, "Spells -- Prot from Good" to "Spells -- Protection from Good" [and boldface spell names throughout entire document]
p.124 "inside an identical pentgram" to "inside an identical pentagram"
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toddlyons
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Re: Terror in Tosasth

Post by toddlyons »

Even more r7 Proofreading:

p.50 "the bars of the cell will harm any touching them them with agonizing shocks." to "the bars of the cell will harm any touching them with agonizing shocks."
p.52 "containing the remains of a elven lord" to "containing the remains of an elven lord"
p.55 "several signs warning visitor to turn around." to "several signs warning visitors to turn around."
p.55 "It contains 10 charges and deliver 6D6 of damage." to "It contains 10 charges and delivers 6d6 of damage."
p.55 "attack any other creature who venture into its territory" to "attack any other creature who ventures into its territory"
p.56 "Bites from these giant centipedes reduces CON by 1" to "Bites from these giant centipedes reduce CON by 1"
p.57 "PCs may roll agsinst WIS to recognize the engraving" to "PCs may roll against WIS to recognize the engraving"
p.58 "each containing a alchemic recipe." to "each containing an alchemic recipe."
p.59 "Pathways through the otherwise dusty floor reveal a tiles" to "Pathways through the otherwise dusty floor reveal tiles"
p.59 "A sturdy anvil stand before a furnace." to "A sturdy anvil stands before a furnace."
p.61 "in a shape of a crude pentagram." to "in the shape of a crude pentagram."
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leon
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Re: Terror in Tosasth

Post by leon »

Excellent! Thanks for the edits, Todd. The top post now has Revision 8. I have also fixed all references to Dwarves and Elves to be capitalized.
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toddlyons
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Re: Terror in Tosasth

Post by toddlyons »

You're welcome, Leon. If this is helpful, you may wish to change the empty line "Contributors" to "Proofreaders" on the credits page, and add Seven and I there.

I'll continue to work backwards through the document until Seven and I meet (or cross over).
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Re: Terror in Tosasth

Post by leon »

Yes, of course I'll add you two as proofreaders. That will be in release 9 like this:

Proofreaders: Seven, Todd Lyons

Please let me know if I ought to adjust the names.
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toddlyons
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Re: Terror in Tosasth

Post by toddlyons »

It's fine. I'm not sure if there's any particular guidance about ordering names, but it's definitely not alphabetical, based on the ones I've read and/or played. Maybe it's in order of volunteering (like you've done) or ordered from most contributions to least (which would be hard to track). This is only the second module I've devoted a lot of time to.
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toddlyons
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Re: Terror in Tosasth

Post by toddlyons »

r8 Proofreading

p.4 "They breath fire, too." to "They breathe fire, too.
p.4 "Without clues, a party would need to search for 2d6 hours an a one-mile hex" to "Without clues, a party would need to search for 2d6 hours in a one-mile hex"
p.21 "Ebahi is an Elven vampire who made dug a new home beneath a graveyard." Choose 'made' or 'dug'.
p.26 "A puddle of shiny liquid surrounds a open pit." to "A puddle of shiny liquid surrounds an open pit."
p.26 "A hidden compartment on the under side of the coffin" to "A hidden compartment on the underside of the coffin"
p.30 "If withing 10’ of cloud, save vs death" to "If within 10’ of cloud, save vs death"
p.41 "to learn more about the the party’s intent." to "to learn more about the party’s intent."
p.43 "When in battle never run!" to "When in battle, never run!"
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leon
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Re: Terror in Tosasth

Post by leon »

It's fine. I'm not sure if there's any particular guidance about ordering names, but it's definitely not alphabetical, based on the ones I've read and/or played. Maybe it's in order of volunteering (like you've done) or ordered from most contributions to least (which would be hard to track). This is only the second module I've devoted a lot of time to.
:lol: I was wondering how Seven would like to be addressed and whether I guessed right that you are "Todd Lyon" and not "Toddly On". Maybe I'm right that Seven's last name is Eleven, and the order is actually alphabetical.

I got your latest edits locally, and even found a couple more "the the" typos.
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Solomoriah
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Re: Terror in Tosasth

Post by Solomoriah »

Names are ordered in the credits based on chronology; first contributor first, then the second, and so on. For documents where I am listed as a contributor or editor, my name should always go last. When several contribute at more or less the same time, it's appropriate to sort their names into order alphabetically before adding them.

Also, Contributors are not usually listed as Proofers, and if an Editor is listed he or she is not also listed as a Contributor. Anyone on that list of creators does not get listed as a Playtester either. Artists are always listed in the Artists list even if they also appear as some other kind of participant (Contributor for example, or even Playtester).

Do these rules make sense? Not really. They are just how I do it. Everyone gets credited for the most significant/highest "ranking" job they did, with only Artists and myself being treated as exceptions.
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