The Warden Tree of Tarljara
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Re: The Warden Tree of Tarljara
Just saying, that's definitely going in an adventure. Soon.
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Re: The Warden Tree of Tarljara
Unprotected treasures can be lots of fun.
That's for sure.
That's for sure.
Re: The Warden Tree of Tarljara
A5. Boxed text. "There are signs of dropped tools and abandoned work everywhere."
Should probably be "dropped tools" and "signs of abandoned work".
A5b. Boxed text. "Their skin and bones are mostly intact, but the remainder of their insides appear to have been somehow drained."
Maybe a bit too much details for box text? Maybe just say that the corpse look frail or thin until someone has a closer look?
A4e. Boxed text. "The air is thick and the ground has become noticeably more gravelly."
Maybe specify how the air is thick. Thick with dust? Some smell?
A5f. Boxed text. "The sound of dripping water is getting closer, and the ground here noticeably more gravelly.
To me, "the sound is getting closer" means that the source is moving towards me. Maybe just say the sound of dripping water is louder here. Also, should probably be "the ground here is noticeably more gravelly.
Should probably be "dropped tools" and "signs of abandoned work".
A5b. Boxed text. "Their skin and bones are mostly intact, but the remainder of their insides appear to have been somehow drained."
Maybe a bit too much details for box text? Maybe just say that the corpse look frail or thin until someone has a closer look?
A4e. Boxed text. "The air is thick and the ground has become noticeably more gravelly."
Maybe specify how the air is thick. Thick with dust? Some smell?
A5f. Boxed text. "The sound of dripping water is getting closer, and the ground here noticeably more gravelly.
To me, "the sound is getting closer" means that the source is moving towards me. Maybe just say the sound of dripping water is louder here. Also, should probably be "the ground here is noticeably more gravelly.
Re: The Warden Tree of Tarljara
Tarljara Village
"If the locals were to discover that elves can drink the water, it would like rouse suspicion and hostility."
Should be "it would likely rouse suspicion".
Law and Order
It's not clear to who passes judgement in town. The Baron?
Random Encounters
1. "with a few trout in hand."
I think the plural of trout is trouts. I used to carry trouts on a stick, impaled by the gills. Not sure how this fellow is carrying them, but unless dried out they are very slippery.
3. should include his inventory.
6. Truncheon, not "thruncheon".
Rumors
Feels like there should be a 24th rumor.
B4. Accommodation "There are 12 2-person guest rooms upstairs at a cost of 2 sp/night. Roll 2d12 to determine how many beds are available on a given night."
Might make more sense to roll 1d12 to determine how many rooms are available.
Drink
Hog wash
Is that the Pepsi drink?
"If the locals were to discover that elves can drink the water, it would like rouse suspicion and hostility."
Should be "it would likely rouse suspicion".
Law and Order
It's not clear to who passes judgement in town. The Baron?
Random Encounters
1. "with a few trout in hand."
I think the plural of trout is trouts. I used to carry trouts on a stick, impaled by the gills. Not sure how this fellow is carrying them, but unless dried out they are very slippery.
3. should include his inventory.
6. Truncheon, not "thruncheon".
Rumors
Feels like there should be a 24th rumor.
B4. Accommodation "There are 12 2-person guest rooms upstairs at a cost of 2 sp/night. Roll 2d12 to determine how many beds are available on a given night."
Might make more sense to roll 1d12 to determine how many rooms are available.
Drink
Hog wash
Is that the Pepsi drink?
Re: The Warden Tree of Tarljara
Thanks for the suggestions, Seven! I more or less agree with most of them. I've uploaded an R4 with the suggested corrections made.
The plural of "trout" can be "trout" or "trouts", similar to fish/fishes and salmon/salmons. Either/or are correct. In my region people would tend to say "I caught some trout" if they had caught multiples.
I think hog wash is usually a mix of whatever stale booze you have lying around. Probably no Pepsi in this setting
I'm definitely going with that velvet pillow idea. This adventure doesn't shy away from strangeness so I think it fits fine.
The plural of "trout" can be "trout" or "trouts", similar to fish/fishes and salmon/salmons. Either/or are correct. In my region people would tend to say "I caught some trout" if they had caught multiples.
I think hog wash is usually a mix of whatever stale booze you have lying around. Probably no Pepsi in this setting
I'm definitely going with that velvet pillow idea. This adventure doesn't shy away from strangeness so I think it fits fine.
Re: The Warden Tree of Tarljara
B6.
Feels like there should be some magic items in the inventory.
Probably of the rather useless kind.
C1. UNDERGROUND LAKE
"and there appear to be multiple shiny things glistening from the bottom."
Reading that I was expecting the things would be larger than pearls. Maybe focus more on the reflections without alluding they come from tiny objects.
C5. HERBICIDE DISTRIBUTION MACHINE “A”
"A thief may also attempt to quietly disarm the machine using their disarm traps skill."
I am not sure disarm is the right word here. Maybe shutdown or something like that?
C6, C7, C8, C9 could use box text. Just keep it short.
Feels like there should be some magic items in the inventory.
Probably of the rather useless kind.
C1. UNDERGROUND LAKE
"and there appear to be multiple shiny things glistening from the bottom."
Reading that I was expecting the things would be larger than pearls. Maybe focus more on the reflections without alluding they come from tiny objects.
C5. HERBICIDE DISTRIBUTION MACHINE “A”
"A thief may also attempt to quietly disarm the machine using their disarm traps skill."
I am not sure disarm is the right word here. Maybe shutdown or something like that?
C6, C7, C8, C9 could use box text. Just keep it short.
Re: The Warden Tree of Tarljara
C15. EAST CORRIDOR
"The correct combination is 12 o'clock (left eye), 4 o'clock (right eye), 9 o'clock (moon)"
I don't get that. Maybe a drawing would help. Maybe the eyes are looking in one direction, but what part of the moon has to face west?
C19. JAIL CELL BLOCK
"A wood golem stands guard and has been commanded to sound an alarm if anyone interferes with the prisoners."
There is only 1 prisoner. If some of the PCs could be held here, you should probably mention it.
There is no alarm for the golem to sound in this room. Some sort of gong?
"An alarm will summon 6 household golems within 1d4+1 rounds."
Are those wandering monsters? I only see a group of 8 of those.
C20. GENERAL SUPPLIES ROOM
"There is a trip wire in the entrance that, when triggered, will activate a spell that causes any spellcaster within 15' to forget their prepared spells."
I think tripwire is just one word.
A tripwire activated spell seems very weird.
I could see a trigger causing some liquid, fumes or event rays to be released, but I would expect a spell to be triggered by magic.
C23. HERBICIDE DISTRIBUTION MACHINE “B”
Should probably repeat the details of deactivating the machine or make another reference to C4.
"The correct combination is 12 o'clock (left eye), 4 o'clock (right eye), 9 o'clock (moon)"
I don't get that. Maybe a drawing would help. Maybe the eyes are looking in one direction, but what part of the moon has to face west?
C19. JAIL CELL BLOCK
"A wood golem stands guard and has been commanded to sound an alarm if anyone interferes with the prisoners."
There is only 1 prisoner. If some of the PCs could be held here, you should probably mention it.
There is no alarm for the golem to sound in this room. Some sort of gong?
"An alarm will summon 6 household golems within 1d4+1 rounds."
Are those wandering monsters? I only see a group of 8 of those.
C20. GENERAL SUPPLIES ROOM
"There is a trip wire in the entrance that, when triggered, will activate a spell that causes any spellcaster within 15' to forget their prepared spells."
I think tripwire is just one word.
A tripwire activated spell seems very weird.
I could see a trigger causing some liquid, fumes or event rays to be released, but I would expect a spell to be triggered by magic.
C23. HERBICIDE DISTRIBUTION MACHINE “B”
Should probably repeat the details of deactivating the machine or make another reference to C4.
Re: The Warden Tree of Tarljara
C24. DARK CORNER
I can't see the stats for the grey ooze.
You could describe the new magic items in an appendix at the end.
And that's it for me.
I can't see the stats for the grey ooze.
You could describe the new magic items in an appendix at the end.
And that's it for me.
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