The Blackapple Brugh

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daryen
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Re: The Blackapple Brugh

Post Fri Aug 28, 2020 1:12 pm

You might want to check page 39 again ... :)

Several paragraphs in the Elf, Brugh entry attempt to start with "Brugh elves" or some variation, but some are inconsistent (is elves/elf capitalized or not) and at least two are typos ("eves" and "e").

I do have a question from the same page, though: with the Ward Pixie's attack, is that 1/4 chance happen whether the attack succeeds or not, or only if the attack does succeed? Because I read it to say that the attack's success is irrelevant. And is that 1/4 chance per attack (they get two a round) or once per round (i.e. each pair of attacks)?
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Solomoriah
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Re: The Blackapple Brugh

Post Fri Aug 28, 2020 1:16 pm

If you have a Showcase account, and you believe your adventure is complete, feel free to post it there. However, if you are planning to release it as a print publication, you might want to hold off; after I review it, if it meets the criteria it goes directly to the Downloads page.
My personal site: www.gonnerman.org
Seven
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Re: The Blackapple Brugh

Post Fri Aug 28, 2020 2:26 pm

daryen wrote: Fri Aug 28, 2020 1:12 pm I do have a question from the same page, though: with the Ward Pixie's attack, is that 1/4 chance happen whether the attack succeeds or not, or only if the attack does succeed? Because I read it to say that the attack's success is irrelevant. And is that 1/4 chance per attack (they get two a round) or once per round (i.e. each pair of attacks)?
Maybe change the description to "When a ward pixie lands a blow"?
The clarification would need to made in the field guide as well.
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Bumblepig
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Re: The Blackapple Brugh

Post Fri Aug 28, 2020 2:27 pm

daryen wrote: Fri Aug 28, 2020 1:12 pm You might want to check page 39 again ... :)

Several paragraphs in the Elf, Brugh entry attempt to start with "Brugh elves" or some variation, but some are inconsistent (is elves/elf capitalized or not) and at least two are typos ("eves" and "e").

I do have a question from the same page, though: with the Ward Pixie's attack, is that 1/4 chance happen whether the attack succeeds or not, or only if the attack does succeed? Because I read it to say that the attack's success is irrelevant. And is that 1/4 chance per attack (they get two a round) or once per round (i.e. each pair of attacks)?
Poop!
Version 10 it is!
I know some of those errors crept in while I was trying to make things consistent. Hence my point about the ongoing risk of tweaks.
I clarified the language around the ward pixie.
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Bumblepig
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Re: The Blackapple Brugh

Post Fri Aug 28, 2020 2:29 pm

Solomoriah wrote: Fri Aug 28, 2020 1:16 pm If you have a Showcase account, and you believe your adventure is complete, feel free to post it there. However, if you are planning to release it as a print publication, you might want to hold off; after I review it, if it meets the criteria it goes directly to the Downloads page.
I don't have a Showcase account.
But now you put it like that... Yes, I'd like to eventually see it in print so I'll patiently wait for that magical day. :)
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Solomoriah
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Re: The Blackapple Brugh

Post Fri Aug 28, 2020 2:31 pm

Bumblepig wrote: Fri Aug 28, 2020 2:29 pmI don't have a Showcase account.
You don't?

You do now.
Bumblepig wrote: Fri Aug 28, 2020 2:29 pmBut now you put it like that... Yes, I'd like to eventually see it in print so I'll patiently wait for that magical day. :)
Well, then. I'll try to take a look this weekend.
My personal site: www.gonnerman.org
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Bumblepig
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Re: The Blackapple Brugh

Post Fri Aug 28, 2020 3:09 pm

Solomoriah wrote: Fri Aug 28, 2020 2:31 pm
Bumblepig wrote: Fri Aug 28, 2020 2:29 pmI don't have a Showcase account.
You don't?

You do now.
Bumblepig wrote: Fri Aug 28, 2020 2:29 pmBut now you put it like that... Yes, I'd like to eventually see it in print so I'll patiently wait for that magical day. :)
Well, then. I'll try to take a look this weekend.
Fantastic, thanks on both fronts!

I'll try not to post too many baby pictures on the Showcase account.
daryen
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Re: The Blackapple Brugh

Post Fri Aug 28, 2020 3:43 pm

Bumblepig wrote: Fri Aug 28, 2020 2:27 pmPoop!
Version 10 it is!
FYI: I have noticed a couple more very minor things as I go through this.

The three thus far are:

pg 2/5: "Entering or Existing the Brugh on page 22." Should be Exiting.

pg 6/9: As above.

pg 7/10: Why would a riding donkey enter a bar, and what does Flynn have against them? (OK, this is a joke on my part, but I am not sure of the "language filter" that is desired for adventures and BFRPG in general. I honestly don't care. I don't know the rules, though, so I ask.)

pg 21/24: "... completely white except for tiny white pupils." One of those "white"s should probably be "black".

I'm still going through it.
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Bumblepig
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Re: The Blackapple Brugh

Post Fri Aug 28, 2020 4:59 pm

daryen wrote: Fri Aug 28, 2020 3:43 pm
Bumblepig wrote: Fri Aug 28, 2020 2:27 pmPoop!
Version 10 it is!
FYI: I have noticed a couple more very minor things as I go through this.
...
pg 7/10: Why would a riding donkey enter a bar, and what does Flynn have against them? (OK, this is a joke on my part, but I am not sure of the "language filter" that is desired for adventures and BFRPG in general. I honestly don't care. I don't know the rules, though, so I ask.)
...

I'm still going through it.
As for the language rules, I think the rule is keep it kid-friendly. My application of that rule is, if it's in the The Wind in the Willows the kids will be OK. So the "asses" stay, regardless of what Flynn thinks (see what I did there? :lol: ).

Thanks for those catches. Please let me know when you're done and I'll make an r11. :)
daryen
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Re: The Blackapple Brugh

Post Fri Aug 28, 2020 5:23 pm

Here are the other four I found:
pg 20/23: "Mirror Man, Mirror Man,, come to me," there is a double-comma in there.

pg 29/32: C11 The description starts with "PCs who failed their initial saving throw vs. Spells
see the following:" But there is only a single description box that states neither "ILLUSION" or "REALITY". The implication is that there is no illusion on this room and it's just the frog prince. So that initial sentence needs to be modified to just say this is what is seen. (Or the existing box needs to say ILLUSION and a new REALITY box needs to be added.)

pg 30/33: The sentence, "However, whether the PCs see them as beasts depends on whether they're subject to the illusion magic of the Brugh," is quite awkward and should probably be worded more clearly.

pg 31/34: Why is the sentence starting "An ibix is a type of faun ..." here? We are 31 pages into the Adventure and ibixes have been mentioned since page 2. It seems an odd place to finally be introducing exactly what an ibix is and where to find its description.

And that's all I found in my read through.

I did love the over-zealous cleric pounding the ghoul into oblivion pretty awesome.

Overall, I really, really like this adventure. Assuming a reasonably successful encounter, it does provide a great launching pad or home base for the characters. I love that you provide two free disposable characters to beef up the party size. (Plus a third non-disposable character.) It is really put together well and I would have loved to play it, and it would be fun to run.

I also like that there really isn't a time limit or anything. The missing kids are just dandy until the PCs decide to delve in and rescue them. The shape-shifting ibixes can run around for a while without any real problems. So, you really can start the characters at first level, build them up to third level, then finally let them clean out the dungeon and retrieve the missing kids. (Just *don't* try to do the dungeon before third level! Everyone will die.)

Finally, if any more artwork is done for this, it really needs to be the enraged cook.
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