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Re: The Dark Temple CONTEST ENTRY THREAD

Posted: Fri Sep 27, 2019 2:49 am
by MinkyBoodle
sean8223 wrote:
Thu Sep 26, 2019 7:43 pm
Submitted for your approval: "Three Days of Peace and Music"

Any feedback appreciated -- Enjoy!
Interesting premise. Looks like a lot for the players to experience in this one.

Re: The Dark Temple CONTEST ENTRY THREAD

Posted: Fri Sep 27, 2019 1:07 pm
by ruzzzr
AlMan wrote:
Wed Sep 25, 2019 10:28 pm
ruzzzr wrote:
Wed Sep 25, 2019 5:45 am
Thanks! I just cleaned up a few glaringly obvious things and am reposting this as a final entry. I hope you all find it fun to read and play.
Ruzzzr,

I had to make some changes to get this into more of a BFRPG Style. Here is a list of what I did, there are other misspellings, but I realize they are in the speech patterns of the NPC's in the adventure so I left those alone.

Switched to two column format. The original SPI four column format (Yes, I played SPI DragonQuest version 1 back in the 1980s), is not what BFRPG uses.

All the room names were set to all caps. This again is a BFRPG Standard.

Changed Monster descriptions to use MonsterBlock Style and changed Hit Blocks to use the HPCheckBoxes and HPChecksEnd Styles. These are BFRPG Standards. Added non-breaking spaces where needed in the description blocks, another BFPRG Style.

Made sure that die were marked as 1d2, 1d3, 1d4, 1d6, 1d8, 1d10.

Page 1 – The Hook – Paragraph 1 and The Arrival Boxed text -
Changed ‘travelling’ to ‘traveling’.

Page 3 – Entry Chamber – Paragraph 2
Changed ‘discernable’ to ‘discernible’.

Page 4 – Spider Lair – Paragraph 1
Changed ‘undigestible’ to ‘indigestible‘.

Page 7 – Trapped Key Room – Paragraph 1
Changed 10x10 to 10’x10’.

Attached is R2 of your adventure. Good luck in the contest.
Thank you very much! I did this in MS Word and the format was a bit wonky so I really appreciate the help with that, I got it as close as I could.

Re: The Dark Temple CONTEST ENTRY THREAD

Posted: Fri Sep 27, 2019 1:09 pm
by ruzzzr
Solomoriah wrote:
Thu Sep 26, 2019 7:26 am
I actually didn't know you could insert a 2 column section inside a 2 column section. Was that intentional, or an accident of copy-and-pasting?

I haven't read it. I never read contest entries before the contest deadline. But I had to look...

It was a total accident, it was displaying as 2 column on my version but seems Microsoft Word had a mind of its own.

Re: The Dark Temple CONTEST ENTRY THREAD

Posted: Fri Sep 27, 2019 1:44 pm
by chiisu81
https://www.libreoffice.org/

Word's ODT support is not good, we use LibreOffice.

Re: The Dark Temple CONTEST ENTRY THREAD

Posted: Fri Sep 27, 2019 4:50 pm
by Solomoriah
Indeed, Word's ODT support is abysmal. But at least it has it. LibreOffice is so much easier to use for making books, honestly. Even with the occasional flow errors.

Re: The Dark Temple CONTEST ENTRY THREAD

Posted: Sat Sep 28, 2019 1:03 am
by AlMan
sean8223 wrote:
Thu Sep 26, 2019 7:43 pm
Submitted for your approval: "Three Days of Peace and Music"

Any feedback appreciated -- Enjoy!
Sean8223, Thank you for your submission. Here is a list of what changes I’ve made already in release 2.

Page 4 – Weird Scene 1 – Paragraph 1 use of the words ‘a’ and ’an’. ‘A’ is used if the next word begins with a consonant sound, ‘an’ is used if the next word starts with a vowel sound.
Was:
… recognize them as an highly unorthodox form of portal magic, …
Changed to:
… recognize them as a highly unorthodox form of portal magic, …
Page 4 – Flashbag added single HP boxes for 12 creatures.
Page 5 – Weird Scene 4 – Boxed Text use of the words ‘a’ and ’an’.
Was:
… jump into his hand through an small octagonal metal frame that he holds, …
Changed to:
… jump into his hand through a small octagonal metal frame that he holds, …
Page 6 – Festival Environment – Paragraph 1 remove extra space
Was:
… a remote area that is two days' travel by foot …
Changed to:
… a remote area that is two days' travel by foot …
Page 7 – Grotzival – Paragraph 1 remove extra space
Was:
Famous for his innovative “wall of sound” projection technique and amazing synchronized illusions, …
Changed to:
Famous for his innovative “wall of sound” projection technique and amazing synchronized illusions, …
Page 10 – Giant Cockroach description – changed to cap on Fly and took out ‘as’ from Save. XP is already implied as for each.
Was:
Mv 30’ fly 60’, Sv as F1, Ml 6, XP 37 ea.
Changed to:
Mv 30’ Fly 60’, Sv F1, Ml 6, XP 37
Page 10 – 7 Guards’ Quarters – Paragraph 2 remove extra space
Was:
Stashed amongst their belongings are three purses containing a total of 25 cp, …
Changed to:
Stashed amongst their belongings are three purses containing a total of 25 cp, …
Page 11 – Director’s Quarters – Paragraph 1 remove extra space
Was:
It is a child’s toy that will play music if wound up with a key.
Changed to:
It is a child’s toy that will play music if wound up with a key.
Page 11 – Engineer’s Quarters – Boxed text take out extra word
Was:
… on which areare stacked haphazardly various containers jars, …
Changed to:
… on which are stacked haphazardly various containers jars, …
Page 11 – Engineer’s Quarters – Paragraph 2
Bolded all the Spell names.
Page 12 – Nave – Boxed text, paragraph 3 remove double word
Was:
Black sand sand slowly drains from the top chamber, which is mostly full.
Changed to:
Black sand slowly drains from the top chamber, which is mostly full.
Page 13 – Middle Level Key Paragraph 2 use of the words ‘a’ and ’an’.
Was:
… the remains of an centuries-old adventuring party killed in the tunnel’s collapse.
Changed to:
… the remains of a centuries-old adventuring party killed in the tunnel’s collapse.
Page 13 – Middle Level Key Paragraph 2 added ‘a’ before the sword.
Was:
… although +1 Sword, +2 vs. Undead and a sealed scroll case …
Changed to:
… although a +1 Sword, +2 vs. Undead and a sealed scroll case …
Page 13 – Small Chapel – Paragraph 2 remove extra space
Was:
The gilding has oxidized but can be cleaned up.
Changed to:
The gilding has oxidized but can be cleaned up.
Page 13 – Torture Chamber – Boxed Text removed extra ‘in’
Was:
A small stone stove in stands in the corner, and various iron tools are scattered about.
Changed to:
A small stone stove stands in the corner, and various iron tools are scattered about.
Page 15 – Darkmantles Description – changed to cap on Fly and took out ‘as’ from Save. XP is already implied as for each.
Was:
Mv 20’ fly 60’, Sv as F1, Ml 7, XP 37 ea.
Changed to:
Mv 20’ Fly 60’, Sv F1, Ml 7, XP 37
Page 15 – Supply Closet – Boxed Text – Change to US spelling variant.
Was:
Mouldering
Changed to:
Moldering
Page 15 – Supply Closet – Paragraph 3 after boxed text use of die over dice.
Was:
d6
Changed to:
1d6
Page 16 – Dissection Room – Boxed Text Paragraph 1 – remove extra space
Was:
Black stains mar the surface of the table, which is engraved with the octagonal motif common to the temple.
Changed to
Black stains mar the surface of the table, which is engraved with the octagonal motif common to the temple.
Page 17 – Workroom – Paragraph 3 remove double word ‘the’ and use of ‘a’ and ‘an’.
Was:
If the PCs search through the detritus for a full hour, they will uncover a ornately carved wand that seems to have escaped the the ruin of the other objects here.
Changed to:
If the PCs search through the detritus for a full hour, they will uncover an ornately carved wand that seems to have escaped the ruin of the other objects here.
Page 17 – Living Statue, Crystal description – monster description implies for each monster.
Was:
XP 145 ea.
Changed to:
XP 145
Page 18 – Pack of 35 Rats
Added 35 check boxes so there are check boxes for the rats.
Page 18 – Laboratory – Boxed text remove extra space
Was:
… that seems to have been spattered on and run down.
Changed to:
… that seems to have been spattered on and run down.
Page 18 – Gray Ooze description – monster description implies for each monster.
Was:
XP 175 ea.
Changed to:
XP 175
Page 19 – Gargoyle descriptions changed font to match standard.
Changed double dagger symbol to the one used in other books, Century Gothic instead of Robotic Font.
Page 20 – Mummy Chamber – Paragraph 2 remove extra space
Was:
this benefit will vanish and the wearer will immediately and permanently age
Changed to:
this benefit will vanish and the wearer will immediately and permanently age
Page 20 – Crypt Dwellers description – monster description implies for each monster.
Was:
XP 100 ea.
Changed to:
XP 100
Page 20 – Grand Hall – Boxed Text 2 remove extra space
Was:
The floor of this room is tiled with black stone.
Changed to:
The floor of this room is tiled with black stone.
Page 20 – Grand Hall – Boxed Text 2 remove ‘a’
Was:
Behind it, an enormous, glowing distortion swirls, filling the chamber a with an unnatural light.
Changed to:
Behind it, an enormous, glowing distortion swirls, filling the chamber with an unnatural light.
Page 21- Grand Hall – Last paragraph added ‘be’ and corrected spelling of observation.
Was:
If PCs observe the anomaly, it should described as an unnatural shape that seems to be getting closer. Repeat visits to the area will confirm this obsevation.
Changed to:
If PCs observe the anomaly, it should be described as an unnatural shape that seems to be getting closer. Repeat visits to the area will confirm this observation.
Page 21 – Skeleton description– monster description implies for each monster.
Was:
XP 25 ea.
Changed to:
XP 25

Here are a list of things to look at that may need clarification. I didn’t change these since they would be actual changes to the full wording and not just spelling corrections or removing double words.
I did provide some suggestions, but you are the author. Please, make any changes you want to these and post your release 3.

Page 7 – Elbor, Furio and Ron – Paragraph 1 – Not clear who they were working for before coming to Lieutenant Pete’s service.
Currently:
They served under Lieutenant Pete, who has since has recruited them to serve as muscle for his security consulting operation.
Suggest
They served under Lieutenant Pete, who has recruited them to serve as muscle for his security consulting operation.
Page 8 – Portico – Paragraph 1
Currently:
Two of the NPC guards are always be stationed here and will rotate throughout the day in 6 hour shifts.
Should be:
Two of the NPC guards will always be stationed here and will rotate throughout the day in 6 hour shifts.
Page 9 – Vestibule – Caps and remove extra space.
Currently:
Festival staffers and performers hurry about Discussing Business and Getting Things Done.
Should be:
Festival staffers and performers hurry about discussing business and getting things done.
Page 9 – Operations Center - Paragraph 4 his or this?
Currently:
It is apparent that his room sees a lot of use, …
Should be:
It is apparent that this room sees a lot of use, …
Page 10 – Stairwell – Paragraph 1 – What will open halfway?.
Currently:
The will open halfway without issue at which point it seizes and will not budge.
Should be:
The door will open halfway without issue at which point it seizes and will not budge.
Page 14 – Burn Room – Boxed Text add commas
Currently:
An area in far right corner away from the door seems to be clear of debris appears to be noticeably clean.
Should be:
An area in the far right corner, away from the door, seems to be clear of debris and, appears to be noticeably clean.
Page 14 – Burn Room – Paragraph 1
Currently:
Its bottoms are sharp spikes and any creature that it falls on will take 1d8 damage and 1d4 damage per round until freed.
Should be:
Its bottom has sharp spikes and, any creature that it falls on will take 1d8 damage and 1d4 damage per round until freed.
Page 15 – Contemplation Chamber – Paragraph 1 – add commas
Currently:
A PC that observes the placement of the manacles will notice a break in the pattern on empty spot in the wall where the door to the secret room lies.
Should be:
A PC that observes the placement of the manacles will notice a break in the pattern, an empty spot in the wall where the door to the secret room lies.
Page 15 – Supply Closet – Paragraph 1 after boxed text – make clear how the blade is reset.
Currently:
When the when this happens, the blade is raised again, ready for its next victim.
Should be:
When the door closes, the blade is raised again, ready for its next victim.
Page 19 – Sacristy – Paragraph 2 add emit and deleted double word ‘a’, add commas.
Currently:
The left will a dark red strong-smelling liquid that appears to be blood; this will run dry after a a few minutes.
Should be:
The left will emit a dark red, strong-smelling liquid, that appears to be blood; this will run dry after a few minutes.
Should be (2):
The left will emit a dark, red, strong-smelling liquid, that appears to be blood; this will run dry after a few minutes.
Page 19 – Baptismal Pool – Boxed text (From what?)
Currently:
The rim of the pool is made of discolored limestone, which is streaked with iron and calcification from.
Page 20 – Mummy Chamber – Boxed text added ‘the’ to clerify.
Currently:
A red stone pendant on a golden chain is wrapped around what appears to be objects neck.
Should be:
A red stone pendant on a golden chain is wrapped around what appears to be the objects neck.

Attached is the release 2 of the adventure. Good luck on the contest.

Re: The Dark Temple CONTEST ENTRY THREAD

Posted: Sat Sep 28, 2019 8:23 am
by sean8223
AlMan wrote:
Sat Sep 28, 2019 1:03 am
sean8223 wrote:
Thu Sep 26, 2019 7:43 pm
Submitted for your approval: "Three Days of Peace and Music"

Any feedback appreciated -- Enjoy!
Sean8223, Thank you for your submission. Here is a list of what changes I’ve made already in release 2.
AlMan, thanks for the detailed proofreading! I must have gone over the doc 5 times, and still there are errors. So it goes.

I've attached a r3 version with some clarifications based on your comments -- much appreciated.

Re: The Dark Temple CONTEST ENTRY THREAD

Posted: Sat Sep 28, 2019 12:53 pm
by AlMan
sean8223 wrote:
Sat Sep 28, 2019 8:23 am
AlMan wrote:
Sat Sep 28, 2019 1:03 am
sean8223 wrote:
Thu Sep 26, 2019 7:43 pm
Submitted for your approval: "Three Days of Peace and Music"

Any feedback appreciated -- Enjoy!
Sean8223, Thank you for your submission. Here is a list of what changes I’ve made already in release 2.
AlMan, thanks for the detailed proofreading! I must have gone over the doc 5 times, and still there are errors. So it goes.

I've attached a r3 version with some clarifications based on your comments -- much appreciated.
Sean8223, your welcome. As I told Minky Boodle earlier in this series, doing your own proofreading is the hardest to do.

Re: The Dark Temple CONTEST ENTRY THREAD

Posted: Sat Sep 28, 2019 11:06 pm
by MinkyBoodle
AlMan wrote:
Sat Sep 28, 2019 12:53 pm
sean8223 wrote:
Sat Sep 28, 2019 8:23 am
AlMan wrote:
Sat Sep 28, 2019 1:03 am


Sean8223, Thank you for your submission. Here is a list of what changes I’ve made already in release 2.
AlMan, thanks for the detailed proofreading! I must have gone over the doc 5 times, and still there are errors. So it goes.

I've attached a r3 version with some clarifications based on your comments -- much appreciated.
Sean8223, your welcome. As I told Minky Boodle earlier in this series, doing your own proofreading is the hardest to do.
Ain't it the truth!

Re: The Dark Temple CONTEST ENTRY THREAD

Posted: Tue Oct 01, 2019 10:17 am
by Bumblepig
Here's my submission: The Children of Zewlac
I hope folks enjoy it. Feedback is welcome. :)

Given that I've never submitted to BFRPG before, here are a few things:
- There were a couple places where I edited paragraph settings from their default to avoid awkward page breaks. Specifically, I did this for a long block of box text ("Long John Ahab's Tale of Woe") as well as some parts of "The Ceremony". If editing paragraph formatting at this stage is a no-no let me know and I won't do it in the future.
- For flavor I added a few illustrations: the giant cockroach from BFRPG, a hand-drawn glyph (I hereby relinquish all rights to this "art" etc. etc.), and a part of an image lifted from the Wikipedia entry on "cockroach":
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cockroach ... oaches.png
- I really appreciate this opportunity to contribute creative stuff via an open forum! Thanks very much to those who make this possible.