Thanks for looking through all of those.
Interesting about the hyphenated or not specifics, I'm going to read more into that.
chiisu81 wrote:- Page 40, 11b, 2nd paragraph: change "...this room is long-disused;" to "this room is long-abandoned;"
No, I think it's right as is; the secret door isn't abandoned, it's disused.
I dunno why I suggested abandoned. How about "unused"?
chiisu81 wrote:- Page 41, 14. Count Down Trap, 1st paragraph: change "...pointing clockwise." to "pointing toward to the clock."
Um... what? Your suggestion doesn't make sense. The existing statement seems correct as is; what am I missing?
Like above not sure why I suggested what I did. However the phrase "pointing clockwise" still stands out as weird/wrong to me. How about "pointing up to the clock"?
chiisu81 wrote:- Page 42, 19. Zombie Room: change "It is dirty, its ragged..." to "It is dirty; its ragged"
Hmm. I'm not sure my version is wrong, and I like it, so I think I'm keeping it that way.
"It is dirty" and "its ragged hand..." are 2 separate clauses, and really needs to be separated by a semi-colon or period. Using a comma makes it look like it's reading as "It is dirty, it's ragged" or such.
chiisu81 wrote:- Page 46, 8th paragraph: change "...can be used again, except that in no event can the pipe summon more than one rust monster in any 24-hour period." to "can be used again; except that the pipe can only summon one rust monster in a 24-hour period."
Eh, I think the original is correct.
How about "except the pipe..."? "Except that" just reads wrong to me.
chiisu81 wrote:- Page 48, 2nd boxed text: change "...the crack. It is as if.." to "the crack, as if"
No, sentence is too long already.
How about "As the lock clicks open the door opens inwards a tiny amount, thousands of tiny black beetles begin to pour through the crack. It is as if the room beyond were completely full of beetles."? Does it really need to halfling "flavor text"?