BF2 Fortress, Tomb, and Tower

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talvola
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Re: BF2 Fortress, Tomb, and Tower

Post Wed Feb 04, 2015 12:38 am

Is it just me or does the link to r18 give a 403 error?

http://basicfantasy.org/download.cgi/BF ... er-r18.pdf
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mTeasdale
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Re: BF2 Fortress, Tomb, and Tower

Post Wed Feb 04, 2015 1:37 am

Same thing here !
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Solomoriah
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Re: BF2 Fortress, Tomb, and Tower

Post Wed Feb 04, 2015 9:55 am

Pushing a new copy now... sorry.
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chiisu81
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Re: BF2 Fortress, Tomb, and Tower

Post Tue Feb 10, 2015 2:53 pm

Printing out R18 to give a full read-over and edit.
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chiisu81
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Re: BF2 Fortress, Tomb, and Tower

Post Fri Feb 13, 2015 10:41 am

Fortress of the Iron Duke
- Page 5, Lady Kylenne's stats: change "longsword +1, +3 vs. giants," to "longsword +1 (+3 vs. giants)"
- Page 6, 2nd paragraph: change "He imagines that he is cool, suave, and a natural born leader but he is instead cowardly, sneaky, and totally ruthless." to "He imagines himself as a cool, suave, and natural-born leader, but he is actually cowardly, sneaky, and totally ruthless."
- Page 6, 4th paragraph: change "... badly deformed..." to "badly-deformed"
- Page 6, 7, 9, 10, 11, 13, 15, 21: re-arrange HP entries in descending order
- Page 7, 1st boxed text: change "...forty deep, and closed by..." to "forty deep, closed by"
- Page 7, entry for die roll of 12: correct page number to 6
- Page 8, 2. West Room, first paragraph: change "...gate guard) and the bench and lever..." to "gate guard), bench, and lever"
- Page 8, 5th boxed text: change "...scrub brush and a wooden..." to "scrub brush, and a wooden" (Oxford comma)
- Page 9, 4th boxed text: change "...as if preparing a meal, and foodstuffs, apparently real, are arranged appropriately. The stoves..." to "as if preparing a meal and foodstuffs. The stoves..."
- Page 9, 5th boxed text: change "...spoiled by some vermin." to "spoiled by vermin."
- Page 10, 14. Schoolroom, 2nd paragraph: change "On the main teachers desk are several six-sided dice with..." to "On the main teacher's desk are several six-sided die"
- Page 11, 4th boxed text: change "Moving about in among..." to "Moving among"
- Page 11, 5th boxed text: change "wooden framed" to "wooden-framed"
- Page 12, 2nd full paragraph: change "...a satchel and other items." to "a satchel, and other items." (Oxford comma)
- Page 12, 3rd boxed text: change "...beside with buckets..." to "beside buckets"
- Page 12, 2nd-last paragraph: change "...full length mosaic" to "full-length mosaic"
- Page 12, last paragraph: change "...GM's Information section, above)." to "GM's Information section, page 2)."
- Page 13, 4th boxed text: change "...god of wisdom; the head..." to "god of wisdom. The head"
- Page 15, 33. Sitting Room: change "...is using this room, and room 34, below, as a base..." to "is using this room (and room 34, below) as a base"
- Page 16, 1st boxed text: change "...elaborately detailed..." to "elaborately-detailed"
- Page 16, 34. Bedroom, 1st paragraph: change "...is using this room, and room 33, above, as a..." to "is using this room (and room 33, above) as a base"
- Page 16, 35. Vault, 3rd paragraph: change "...Information section, above, for..." to "Information section (page 2) for"
- Page 17, 1st boxed text: change "...is broad, clean and ablaze..." to "is broad, clean, and ablaze" (Oxford comma)
- Page 17, 2nd boxed text: change "An entirely empty weapon..." to "An entirely-empty"
- Page 19, 3rd boxed text: change "...which is half covered..." to "which is half-covered"
- Page 19, 3rd boxed text: change "...ink bottles and quills,..." to "ink bottles, and quills," (Oxford comma)
- Page 20, 50. Sanctuary, 3rd paragraph: change "...for relaxing and meditation and worship." to "for relaxing, meditation, and worship."
- Page 21, 5th boxed text: change "...single candlestick having an unburned..." to "single candlestick with an unburned"

Tomb of Karsma Megalos
- Page 24, Player's Background, first paragraph: move period of last sentence outside closing parenthesis
- Page 25-27: inconsistent font size for text (normally 9.5, here it's 10)
- Page 25, 1st full paragraph: change "...children; for his deal..." to "children; his deal"
- Page 25, 4th paragraph: change "...densely forested..." to "densely-forested"
- Page 25, 5th paragraph: change "...de facto..." to "de-facto"
- Page 26, 7th paragraph: change "...are not damaged." to "are not harmed."
- Page 27, 3rd boxed text: change "...floor, walls and ceiling..." to "floor, walls, and ceiling" (Oxford comma)
- Page 27-30: re-arrange HP entries in descending order
- Page 27, 4. Carnivorous Apes: change "...trap room..." to "trapped room"
- Page 28, 4 Ogres; Page 28, 5 Bugbears; Page 29, 8 Gnolls; Page 28, 6 Dopplegangers; Page 30, 9 Wererats: one of the HP entries' boxes are off (too large)
- Page 28, 7. Secret Room: change "...ogres at the moment..." to "ogres the moment"
- Page 28, 8. Hallway: change "...a one time occurrence" to "a one-time occurrence"

Crooked Rock Tower
- Throughout text it switches between "lizardmen" and "lizard men"; need to stay consistent and pick one
- Page 34, 38-43, 47, 49: re-arrange HP entries in descending order
- Page 33, 1st paragraph: change "...and no longer sought to rule, and then the sword was placed..." to "and no longer sought to rule: the sword was then placed"
- Page 33, The History of the Tower, 1st paragraph: change "...years before disappearing suddenly and without..." to "years before suddenly disappearing without"
- Page 33, The History of the Tower, 3rd paragraph: change "...he realized he it was no use." to "he realized it was no use."
- Page 35, T2. Workshop, last paragraph: bold "dispel magic" and un-italicize
- Page 36, 1st paragraph: change "...likely fine ground coal, chalk or ground marble." to "likely fine-ground coal, chalk, or ground marble." (Oxford comma)
- Page 36, 2nd-to-last paragraph: change "...(See the preface to this section..." to "(see page 34 for)"
- Page 37, boxed text: change "...dresser stand to either..." to "dresser stand on either"
- Page 37, T4. Wizard's Room, 2nd paragraph: bold "dispel magic" and un-italicize
- Page 39, 1st boxed text: change "...a weapons rack and a large chest." to "a weapons rack, and a large chest." (Oxford comma)
- Page 40, 11b, 1st paragraph: change "These are dryad's bones." to "These are a dryad's bones."
- Page 40, 11b, 2nd paragraph: change "...this room is long-disused;" to "this room is long-abandoned;"
- Page 40, 11b, 2nd paragraph: change "...randomly selected" to "randomly-selected"
- Page 41, 1st boxed text: change "...now empty nook." to "now-empty nook."
- Page 41, 2nd boxed text: change "...barrels and other items." to "barrels, and other items." (Oxford comma)
- Page 41, 14. Count Down Trap, 1st paragraph: change "...pointing clockwise." to "pointing toward to the clock."
- Page 42, 16. Wine Cellar: change "GP" to "gp"
- Page 42, 4th boxed text: change "..., and large easy chair..." to ", and a large easy chair."
- Page 42, 19. Zombie Room: change "It is dirty, its ragged..." to "It is dirty; its ragged"
- Page 43, 2nd boxed text: change "Four monstrously large..." to "Four monstrously-large"; "...thickly hung..." to "thickly-hung"
- Page 43, 22. Entry Room, 2nd paragraph: bold "charm person"; change "...first level magic user spell)." to "first-level magic-user spell)."
- Page 44, 1st full paragraph: change "...assume gaseous form..." to "assume a gaseous form"
- Page 45, boxed text, 1st paragraph: change "...cold, silent and dusty..." to "cold, silent, and dusty" (Oxford comma)
- Page 45, boxed text, 2nd paragraph: change "...the room what appears to be..." to "the room is what appears to be"
- Page 45, boxed text, 2nd paragraph: clarify/re-write "...depends from the ceiling"
- Page 45, boxed text, 2nd paragraph: change "...various different shapes..." to "various shapes"
- Page 45, boxed text, 2nd paragraph: change "...are at vertical," to "are vertical,"
- Page 45, last paragraph: change "The brass or..." to "The brass and"
- Page 46, 4th paragraph: change "...50lbs weight over and above that of the clock, then..." to "50lbs, then"
- Page 46, 4th paragraph: change "...5d6 hp of damage..." to "5d6 damage"
- Page 46, 4th paragraph: capitalize "Death" for save vs.
- Page 46, 8th paragraph: change "...can be used again, except that in no event can the pipe summon more than one rust monster in any 24-hour period." to "can be used again; except that the pipe can only summon one rust monster in a 24-hour period."
- Page 46, boxed text, 2nd paragraph: "wooden baskets..." needs wooden capitalized, and the sentence is a fragment
- Page 47, 1st paragraph: change "...white hot." to "white-hot."
- Page 47, 2nd paragraph: change "...long handled..." to "long-handled"
- Page 47, 3rd paragraph: change "...partially full..." to "partially-full"
- Page 47, 26. Forging Room, 1st paragraph: change "...clockwork men body parts..." to "clockwork men's body parts"
- Page 47, 26. Forging Room, 3rd paragraph: change "...rivets, screws and nails." to "rivets, screws, and nails." (Oxford comma)
- Page 48, 1st boxed text, 1st paragraph: change "...badly damaged..." to "badly-damaged"
- Page 48, 1st boxed text, 2nd paragraph: change "...ornately decorated, brass faced door..." to "ornately-decorated, brass-faced door"
- Page 48, 1st boxed text, 2nd paragraph: change "...are build of yellow..." to "are built of yellow"
- Page 48, 1st boxed text, 3rd paragraph: change "...half dozen..." to "half-dozen"
- Page 48. 28. Mayhem, 3rd paragraph: change "...hand painted..." to "hand-painted"
- Page 48, 29. Mummy's Chamber, 1st paragraph: change "A thief, dwarf or gnome..." to "A thief, dwarf, or gnome" (Oxford comma)
- Page 48, 2nd boxed text: replace long dash with normal one
- Page 48, 2nd boxed text: change "...the crack. It is as if.." to "the crack, as if"
- Page 49, 30. Corridor: change "The will wait to attack..." to "They will wait to attack"
- Page 49, 4th boxed text: change "...lifelike statues..." to "life-like statues"
- Page 50, 33. Bone Golem: change "...old, cracked and rough;" to "old, cracked, and rough;" (Oxford comma)
- Page 51, 34. The Sword: change "...is made. Blindness lasts 1d4 turns." to "is made; blindness lasts 1d4 turns."
- Page 51, Sashra stats: bold spell names
- Page 51, 35. Metal Lizard, 3rd paragraph: change "...to proved the proper light..." to "to provide the proper light"
- Page 52, 1st boxed text: change "You see stone archway.." to "You see a stone archway"

- Page 57; correct BF2 copyright date to 2005-2015 (to match what's on BF2's title page)
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chiisu81
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Re: BF2 Fortress, Tomb, and Tower

Post Sat Apr 18, 2015 12:11 pm

Solo, if you'd prefer all these notes on the PDF or even edited into the ODT I can do that soon.
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Re: BF2 Fortress, Tomb, and Tower

Post Sat Apr 18, 2015 3:46 pm

Naw, it's fine. I'm just burned out from Iron Falcon. I'll get back on it soon.
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Solomoriah
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Re: BF2 Fortress, Tomb, and Tower

Post Wed May 27, 2015 9:34 am

chiisu81 wrote:Fortress of the Iron Duke
- Page 5, Lady Kylenne's stats: change "longsword +1, +3 vs. giants," to "longsword +1 (+3 vs. giants)"
Why would I do that? It's not how I write them down in the Core Rules.
chiisu81 wrote:- Page 6, 2nd paragraph: change "He imagines that he is cool, suave, and a natural born leader but he is instead cowardly, sneaky, and totally ruthless." to "He imagines himself as a cool, suave, and natural-born leader, but he is actually cowardly, sneaky, and totally ruthless."
Done.
chiisu81 wrote:- Page 6, 4th paragraph: change "... badly deformed..." to "badly-deformed"
Eh. Might be "proper" but I don't like it.
chiisu81 wrote:- Page 6, 7, 9, 10, 11, 13, 15, 21: re-arrange HP entries in descending order
Ah, no, and not only no but never. I tend to run combats from top to bottom... it makes little sense to think that monsters attack strictly from strongest to weakest. JD writes adventures that way, and I don't generally change them on him, but I myself prefer them randomly assorted.
chiisu81 wrote:- Page 7, 1st boxed text: change "...forty deep, and closed by..." to "forty deep, closed by"
Done.
chiisu81 wrote:- Page 7, entry for die roll of 12: correct page number to 6
Done. Changed to an automatic cross-reference.
chiisu81 wrote:- Page 8, 2. West Room, first paragraph: change "...gate guard) and the bench and lever..." to "gate guard), bench, and lever"
Hmm. My version isn't incorrect, and I like it better.
chiisu81 wrote:- Page 8, 5th boxed text: change "...scrub brush and a wooden..." to "scrub brush, and a wooden" (Oxford comma)
Fixed.
chiisu81 wrote:- Page 9, 4th boxed text: change "...as if preparing a meal, and foodstuffs, apparently real, are arranged appropriately. The stoves..." to "as if preparing a meal and foodstuffs. The stoves..."
Revised somewhat, but not exactly like that.
chiisu81 wrote:- Page 9, 5th boxed text: change "...spoiled by some vermin." to "spoiled by vermin."
Fixed.
chiisu81 wrote:- Page 10, 14. Schoolroom, 2nd paragraph: change "On the main teachers desk are several six-sided dice with..." to "On the main teacher's desk are several six-sided die"
Fixed.
chiisu81 wrote:- Page 11, 4th boxed text: change "Moving about in among..." to "Moving among"
Done. It was rather awkward.
chiisu81 wrote:- Page 11, 5th boxed text: change "wooden framed" to "wooden-framed"
Done.
chiisu81 wrote:- Page 12, 2nd full paragraph: change "...a satchel and other items." to "a satchel, and other items." (Oxford comma)
Done.
chiisu81 wrote:- Page 12, 3rd boxed text: change "...beside with buckets..." to "beside buckets"
Done.
chiisu81 wrote:- Page 12, 2nd-last paragraph: change "...full length mosaic" to "full-length mosaic"
Fixed.
chiisu81 wrote:- Page 12, last paragraph: change "...GM's Information section, above)." to "GM's Information section, page 2)."
Fixed; I made it a proper cross-reference.
chiisu81 wrote:- Page 13, 4th boxed text: change "...god of wisdom; the head..." to "god of wisdom. The head"
Fixed.
chiisu81 wrote:- Page 15, 33. Sitting Room: change "...is using this room, and room 34, below, as a base..." to "is using this room (and room 34, below) as a base"
Changed, but not exactly that way.
chiisu81 wrote:- Page 16, 1st boxed text: change "...elaborately detailed..." to "elaborately-detailed"
Done.

... dang this is a long list ... I'ma taka break now ...
chiisu81 wrote:- Page 16, 34. Bedroom, 1st paragraph: change "...is using this room, and room 33, above, as a..." to "is using this room (and room 33, above) as a base"
- Page 16, 35. Vault, 3rd paragraph: change "...Information section, above, for..." to "Information section (page 2) for"
- Page 17, 1st boxed text: change "...is broad, clean and ablaze..." to "is broad, clean, and ablaze" (Oxford comma)
- Page 17, 2nd boxed text: change "An entirely empty weapon..." to "An entirely-empty"
- Page 19, 3rd boxed text: change "...which is half covered..." to "which is half-covered"
- Page 19, 3rd boxed text: change "...ink bottles and quills,..." to "ink bottles, and quills," (Oxford comma)
- Page 20, 50. Sanctuary, 3rd paragraph: change "...for relaxing and meditation and worship." to "for relaxing, meditation, and worship."
- Page 21, 5th boxed text: change "...single candlestick having an unburned..." to "single candlestick with an unburned"

Tomb of Karsma Megalos
- Page 24, Player's Background, first paragraph: move period of last sentence outside closing parenthesis
- Page 25-27: inconsistent font size for text (normally 9.5, here it's 10)
- Page 25, 1st full paragraph: change "...children; for his deal..." to "children; his deal"
- Page 25, 4th paragraph: change "...densely forested..." to "densely-forested"
- Page 25, 5th paragraph: change "...de facto..." to "de-facto"
- Page 26, 7th paragraph: change "...are not damaged." to "are not harmed."
- Page 27, 3rd boxed text: change "...floor, walls and ceiling..." to "floor, walls, and ceiling" (Oxford comma)
- Page 27-30: re-arrange HP entries in descending order
- Page 27, 4. Carnivorous Apes: change "...trap room..." to "trapped room"
- Page 28, 4 Ogres; Page 28, 5 Bugbears; Page 29, 8 Gnolls; Page 28, 6 Dopplegangers; Page 30, 9 Wererats: one of the HP entries' boxes are off (too large)
- Page 28, 7. Secret Room: change "...ogres at the moment..." to "ogres the moment"
- Page 28, 8. Hallway: change "...a one time occurrence" to "a one-time occurrence"

Crooked Rock Tower
- Throughout text it switches between "lizardmen" and "lizard men"; need to stay consistent and pick one
- Page 34, 38-43, 47, 49: re-arrange HP entries in descending order
- Page 33, 1st paragraph: change "...and no longer sought to rule, and then the sword was placed..." to "and no longer sought to rule: the sword was then placed"
- Page 33, The History of the Tower, 1st paragraph: change "...years before disappearing suddenly and without..." to "years before suddenly disappearing without"
- Page 33, The History of the Tower, 3rd paragraph: change "...he realized he it was no use." to "he realized it was no use."
- Page 35, T2. Workshop, last paragraph: bold "dispel magic" and un-italicize
- Page 36, 1st paragraph: change "...likely fine ground coal, chalk or ground marble." to "likely fine-ground coal, chalk, or ground marble." (Oxford comma)
- Page 36, 2nd-to-last paragraph: change "...(See the preface to this section..." to "(see page 34 for)"
- Page 37, boxed text: change "...dresser stand to either..." to "dresser stand on either"
- Page 37, T4. Wizard's Room, 2nd paragraph: bold "dispel magic" and un-italicize
- Page 39, 1st boxed text: change "...a weapons rack and a large chest." to "a weapons rack, and a large chest." (Oxford comma)
- Page 40, 11b, 1st paragraph: change "These are dryad's bones." to "These are a dryad's bones."
- Page 40, 11b, 2nd paragraph: change "...this room is long-disused;" to "this room is long-abandoned;"
- Page 40, 11b, 2nd paragraph: change "...randomly selected" to "randomly-selected"
- Page 41, 1st boxed text: change "...now empty nook." to "now-empty nook."
- Page 41, 2nd boxed text: change "...barrels and other items." to "barrels, and other items." (Oxford comma)
- Page 41, 14. Count Down Trap, 1st paragraph: change "...pointing clockwise." to "pointing toward to the clock."
- Page 42, 16. Wine Cellar: change "GP" to "gp"
- Page 42, 4th boxed text: change "..., and large easy chair..." to ", and a large easy chair."
- Page 42, 19. Zombie Room: change "It is dirty, its ragged..." to "It is dirty; its ragged"
- Page 43, 2nd boxed text: change "Four monstrously large..." to "Four monstrously-large"; "...thickly hung..." to "thickly-hung"
- Page 43, 22. Entry Room, 2nd paragraph: bold "charm person"; change "...first level magic user spell)." to "first-level magic-user spell)."
- Page 44, 1st full paragraph: change "...assume gaseous form..." to "assume a gaseous form"
- Page 45, boxed text, 1st paragraph: change "...cold, silent and dusty..." to "cold, silent, and dusty" (Oxford comma)
- Page 45, boxed text, 2nd paragraph: change "...the room what appears to be..." to "the room is what appears to be"
- Page 45, boxed text, 2nd paragraph: clarify/re-write "...depends from the ceiling"
- Page 45, boxed text, 2nd paragraph: change "...various different shapes..." to "various shapes"
- Page 45, boxed text, 2nd paragraph: change "...are at vertical," to "are vertical,"
- Page 45, last paragraph: change "The brass or..." to "The brass and"
- Page 46, 4th paragraph: change "...50lbs weight over and above that of the clock, then..." to "50lbs, then"
- Page 46, 4th paragraph: change "...5d6 hp of damage..." to "5d6 damage"
- Page 46, 4th paragraph: capitalize "Death" for save vs.
- Page 46, 8th paragraph: change "...can be used again, except that in no event can the pipe summon more than one rust monster in any 24-hour period." to "can be used again; except that the pipe can only summon one rust monster in a 24-hour period."
- Page 46, boxed text, 2nd paragraph: "wooden baskets..." needs wooden capitalized, and the sentence is a fragment
- Page 47, 1st paragraph: change "...white hot." to "white-hot."
- Page 47, 2nd paragraph: change "...long handled..." to "long-handled"
- Page 47, 3rd paragraph: change "...partially full..." to "partially-full"
- Page 47, 26. Forging Room, 1st paragraph: change "...clockwork men body parts..." to "clockwork men's body parts"
- Page 47, 26. Forging Room, 3rd paragraph: change "...rivets, screws and nails." to "rivets, screws, and nails." (Oxford comma)
- Page 48, 1st boxed text, 1st paragraph: change "...badly damaged..." to "badly-damaged"
- Page 48, 1st boxed text, 2nd paragraph: change "...ornately decorated, brass faced door..." to "ornately-decorated, brass-faced door"
- Page 48, 1st boxed text, 2nd paragraph: change "...are build of yellow..." to "are built of yellow"
- Page 48, 1st boxed text, 3rd paragraph: change "...half dozen..." to "half-dozen"
- Page 48. 28. Mayhem, 3rd paragraph: change "...hand painted..." to "hand-painted"
- Page 48, 29. Mummy's Chamber, 1st paragraph: change "A thief, dwarf or gnome..." to "A thief, dwarf, or gnome" (Oxford comma)
- Page 48, 2nd boxed text: replace long dash with normal one
- Page 48, 2nd boxed text: change "...the crack. It is as if.." to "the crack, as if"
- Page 49, 30. Corridor: change "The will wait to attack..." to "They will wait to attack"
- Page 49, 4th boxed text: change "...lifelike statues..." to "life-like statues"
- Page 50, 33. Bone Golem: change "...old, cracked and rough;" to "old, cracked, and rough;" (Oxford comma)
- Page 51, 34. The Sword: change "...is made. Blindness lasts 1d4 turns." to "is made; blindness lasts 1d4 turns."
- Page 51, Sashra stats: bold spell names
- Page 51, 35. Metal Lizard, 3rd paragraph: change "...to proved the proper light..." to "to provide the proper light"
- Page 52, 1st boxed text: change "You see stone archway.." to "You see a stone archway"
- Page 57; correct BF2 copyright date to 2005-2015 (to match what's on BF2's title page)
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Re: BF2 Fortress, Tomb, and Tower

Post Wed May 27, 2015 11:25 am

chiisu81 wrote:- Page 16, 34. Bedroom, 1st paragraph: change "...is using this room, and room 33, above, as a..." to "is using this room (and room 33, above) as a base"
Hmm. I'm not sure why parentheses would be preferred here. I'm leaving it as-is for now.
chiisu81 wrote:- Page 16, 35. Vault, 3rd paragraph: change "...Information section, above, for..." to "Information section (page 2) for"
Changed to a proper cross-reference.
chiisu81 wrote:- Page 17, 1st boxed text: change "...is broad, clean and ablaze..." to "is broad, clean, and ablaze" (Oxford comma)
Done.
chiisu81 wrote:- Page 17, 2nd boxed text: change "An entirely empty weapon..." to "An entirely-empty"
I tried that, and it didn't look right. A bit of online research resulted in the answer that you don't hyphenate "-ly" adverbs applied to adjectives. Here's what getitwriteonline.com has to say:
Keep in mind, though, that we never use a hyphen between an -ly adverb + adjective combination in front of a noun or pronoun. Here are examples with the -ly adverb + adjective constructions:

She was a highly motivated employee.
So I'm leaving it as is.
chiisu81 wrote:- Page 19, 3rd boxed text: change "...which is half covered..." to "which is half-covered"
The same page ( http://www.getitwriteonline.com/archive ... yphadj.htm ) says that you don't hyphenate these constructions; see their example 5 and its explanation. "Half-covered" would get the hyphen if it preceded the noun it modifies, but as it follows it, it does not.

These rules are way complicated, by the way. English... what a mess.
chiisu81 wrote:- Page 19, 3rd boxed text: change "...ink bottles and quills,..." to "ink bottles, and quills," (Oxford comma)
Done.
chiisu81 wrote:- Page 20, 50. Sanctuary, 3rd paragraph: change "...for relaxing and meditation and worship." to "for relaxing, meditation, and worship."
Done.
chiisu81 wrote:- Page 21, 5th boxed text: change "...single candlestick having an unburned..." to "single candlestick with an unburned"
Done.
chiisu81 wrote:Tomb of Karsma Megalos
- Page 24, Player's Background, first paragraph: move period of last sentence outside closing parenthesis
Period stays in parens if the parens enclose the entire sentence; a period at the end of a parenthesized clause, where the entire sentence is not inside the parens, does get put outside.

HOWEVER, I decided the parens aren't needed anyway, so I took them out.
chiisu81 wrote:- Page 25-27: inconsistent font size for text (normally 9.5, here it's 10)
Wow, good catch. All fixed, I think.
chiisu81 wrote:- Page 25, 1st full paragraph: change "...children; for his deal..." to "children; his deal"
Changed the semicolon to a comma instead.
chiisu81 wrote:- Page 25, 4th paragraph: change "...densely forested..." to "densely-forested"
-ly adverb preceding an adjective, not changed.
chiisu81 wrote:- Page 25, 5th paragraph: change "...de facto..." to "de-facto"
I can't find any references indicating that "de facto" should ever be hyphenated; on the other hand, apparently it SHOULD be italic. So there you go.
chiisu81 wrote:- Page 26, 7th paragraph: change "...are not damaged." to "are not harmed."
Fixed. Wasn't wrong before, but it reads better this way.
chiisu81 wrote:- Page 27, 3rd boxed text: change "...floor, walls and ceiling..." to "floor, walls, and ceiling" (Oxford comma)
Fixed.
chiisu81 wrote:- Page 27-30: re-arrange HP entries in descending order
Not doing, for reason previously stated.
chiisu81 wrote:- Page 27, 4. Carnivorous Apes: change "...trap room..." to "trapped room"
Eh. I like my version better, and I'm not at all sure there's anything wrong with it.
chiisu81 wrote:- Page 28, 4 Ogres; Page 28, 5 Bugbears; Page 29, 8 Gnolls; Page 28, 6 Dopplegangers; Page 30, 9 Wererats: one of the HP entries' boxes are off (too large)
Whoops. Another good catch. All fixed.
chiisu81 wrote:- Page 28, 7. Secret Room: change "...ogres at the moment..." to "ogres the moment"
I'm pretty sure "at the moment" is the correct usage here.
chiisu81 wrote:- Page 28, 8. Hallway: change "...a one time occurrence" to "a one-time occurrence"
Fixed.
chiisu81 wrote:Crooked Rock Tower
- Throughout text it switches between "lizardmen" and "lizard men"; need to stay consistent and pick one
Made them all "lizard men." Need to make sure I got every last one of them... gah.
chiisu81 wrote:- Page 34, 38-43, 47, 49: re-arrange HP entries in descending order
Not doing this, as previously explained.
chiisu81 wrote:- Page 33, 1st paragraph: change "...and no longer sought to rule, and then the sword was placed..." to "and no longer sought to rule: the sword was then placed"
My original text isn't exactly as you have reproduced it. I think my version is fine, so I'm going to let it ride unless you can point out how it is wrong.
chiisu81 wrote:- Page 33, The History of the Tower, 1st paragraph: change "...years before disappearing suddenly and without..." to "years before suddenly disappearing without"
Both versions were awkward, so I rewrote it.
chiisu81 wrote:- Page 33, The History of the Tower, 3rd paragraph: change "...he realized he it was no use." to "he realized it was no use."
Fixed. Good catch!
chiisu81 wrote:- Page 35, T2. Workshop, last paragraph: bold "dispel magic" and un-italicize
Done.
chiisu81 wrote:- Page 36, 1st paragraph: change "...likely fine ground coal, chalk or ground marble." to "likely fine-ground coal, chalk, or ground marble." (Oxford comma)
Fixed.
chiisu81 wrote:- Page 36, 2nd-to-last paragraph: change "...(See the preface to this section..." to "(see page 34 for)"
Made it a cross-reference.
chiisu81 wrote:- Page 37, boxed text: change "...dresser stand to either..." to "dresser stand on either"
Done.
chiisu81 wrote:- Page 37, T4. Wizard's Room, 2nd paragraph: bold "dispel magic" and un-italicize
Done.

... and again, I'll come back to this later ...
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Re: BF2 Fortress, Tomb, and Tower

Post Wed May 27, 2015 4:52 pm

chiisu81 wrote:- Page 39, 1st boxed text: change "...a weapons rack and a large chest." to "a weapons rack, and a large chest." (Oxford comma)
Done.
chiisu81 wrote:- Page 40, 11b, 1st paragraph: change "These are dryad's bones." to "These are a dryad's bones."
Rewrote to be less awkward.
chiisu81 wrote:- Page 40, 11b, 2nd paragraph: change "...this room is long-disused;" to "this room is long-abandoned;"
No, I think it's right as is; the secret door isn't abandoned, it's disused.
chiisu81 wrote:- Page 40, 11b, 2nd paragraph: change "...randomly selected" to "randomly-selected"
-ly adverb modifying adjective, correct without hyphen.
chiisu81 wrote:- Page 41, 1st boxed text: change "...now empty nook." to "now-empty nook."
Fixed.
chiisu81 wrote:- Page 41, 2nd boxed text: change "...barrels and other items." to "barrels, and other items." (Oxford comma)
Fixed.
chiisu81 wrote:- Page 41, 14. Count Down Trap, 1st paragraph: change "...pointing clockwise." to "pointing toward to the clock."
Um... what? Your suggestion doesn't make sense. The existing statement seems correct as is; what am I missing?
chiisu81 wrote:- Page 42, 16. Wine Cellar: change "GP" to "gp"
Fixed.
chiisu81 wrote:- Page 42, 4th boxed text: change "..., and large easy chair..." to ", and a large easy chair."
Fixed.
chiisu81 wrote:- Page 42, 19. Zombie Room: change "It is dirty, its ragged..." to "It is dirty; its ragged"
Hmm. I'm not sure my version is wrong, and I like it, so I think I'm keeping it that way.
chiisu81 wrote:- Page 43, 2nd boxed text: change "Four monstrously large..." to "Four monstrously-large"; "...thickly hung..." to "thickly-hung"
-ly adverbs again.
chiisu81 wrote:- Page 43, 22. Entry Room, 2nd paragraph: bold "charm person"; change "...first level magic user spell)." to "first-level magic-user spell)."
Fixed.
chiisu81 wrote:- Page 44, 1st full paragraph: change "...assume gaseous form..." to "assume a gaseous form"
No, I'm pretty sure the original is correct.
chiisu81 wrote:- Page 45, boxed text, 1st paragraph: change "...cold, silent and dusty..." to "cold, silent, and dusty" (Oxford comma)
Fixed.
chiisu81 wrote:- Page 45, boxed text, 2nd paragraph: change "...the room what appears to be..." to "the room is what appears to be"
Fixed.
chiisu81 wrote:- Page 45, boxed text, 2nd paragraph: clarify/re-write "...depends from the ceiling"
Fixed. Also changed numbers to words and "ft" to "feet" as text that is supposed to be read aloud should always be done that way (at least in my publications).
chiisu81 wrote:- Page 45, boxed text, 2nd paragraph: change "...various different shapes..." to "various shapes"
Fixed.
chiisu81 wrote:- Page 45, boxed text, 2nd paragraph: change "...are at vertical," to "are vertical,"
Fixed.
chiisu81 wrote:- Page 45, last paragraph: change "The brass or..." to "The brass and"
Fixed.
chiisu81 wrote:- Page 46, 4th paragraph: change "...50lbs weight over and above that of the clock, then..." to "50lbs, then"
Changed a lot of lbs and ft, hope I got them all.
chiisu81 wrote:- Page 46, 4th paragraph: change "...5d6 hp of damage..." to "5d6 damage"
Actually, should be "points of damage" in keeping with my general usage.
chiisu81 wrote:- Page 46, 4th paragraph: capitalize "Death" for save vs.
Should actually be "Death Ray;" fixed.
chiisu81 wrote:- Page 46, 8th paragraph: change "...can be used again, except that in no event can the pipe summon more than one rust monster in any 24-hour period." to "can be used again; except that the pipe can only summon one rust monster in a 24-hour period."
Eh, I think the original is correct.
chiisu81 wrote:- Page 46, boxed text, 2nd paragraph: "wooden baskets..." needs wooden capitalized, and the sentence is a fragment
Rewrote much of that paragraph, keeping the order but tidying up the presentation.
chiisu81 wrote:- Page 47, 1st paragraph: change "...white hot." to "white-hot."
Again, hyphenation of adjectives that come after the noun is incorrect. For example, "white-hot metal" would be correct, but not "metal which was white-hot."
chiisu81 wrote:- Page 47, 2nd paragraph: change "...long handled..." to "long-handled"
Fixed.
chiisu81 wrote:- Page 47, 3rd paragraph: change "...partially full..." to "partially-full"
"Partially full" modifies "barrels" which come earlier in the sentence, so the original is correct.
chiisu81 wrote:- Page 47, 26. Forging Room, 1st paragraph: change "...clockwork men body parts..." to "clockwork men's body parts"
Rewrote much of this. It was awkward.
chiisu81 wrote:- Page 47, 26. Forging Room, 3rd paragraph: change "...rivets, screws and nails." to "rivets, screws, and nails." (Oxford comma)
Fixed.
chiisu81 wrote:- Page 48, 1st boxed text, 1st paragraph: change "...badly damaged..." to "badly-damaged"
-ly adverb modifying adjective.
chiisu81 wrote:- Page 48, 1st boxed text, 2nd paragraph: change "...ornately decorated, brass faced door..." to "ornately-decorated, brass-faced door"
-ly adverb modifying adjective in the first case, but "brass-faced" should be hyphenated. Fixed.
chiisu81 wrote:- Page 48, 1st boxed text, 2nd paragraph: change "...are build of yellow..." to "are built of yellow"
Derp. Fixed.
chiisu81 wrote:- Page 48, 1st boxed text, 3rd paragraph: change "...half dozen..." to "half-dozen"
I don't think a hyphen is needed here, though I may be wrong.
chiisu81 wrote:- Page 48. 28. Mayhem, 3rd paragraph: change "...hand painted..." to "hand-painted"
Fixed.
chiisu81 wrote:- Page 48, 29. Mummy's Chamber, 1st paragraph: change "A thief, dwarf or gnome..." to "A thief, dwarf, or gnome" (Oxford comma)
Fixed.
chiisu81 wrote:- Page 48, 2nd boxed text: replace long dash with normal one
Long dash is correct, but I hate long dashes (or any dashes at all) in running text. Rewritten.
chiisu81 wrote:- Page 48, 2nd boxed text: change "...the crack. It is as if.." to "the crack, as if"
No, sentence is too long already.
chiisu81 wrote:- Page 49, 30. Corridor: change "The will wait to attack..." to "They will wait to attack"
Fixed.
chiisu81 wrote:- Page 49, 4th boxed text: change "...lifelike statues..." to "life-like statues"
"Lifelike" is a proper word, so no reason to change it.
chiisu81 wrote:- Page 50, 33. Bone Golem: change "...old, cracked and rough;" to "old, cracked, and rough;" (Oxford comma)
Fixed.
chiisu81 wrote:- Page 51, 34. The Sword: change "...is made. Blindness lasts 1d4 turns." to "is made; blindness lasts 1d4 turns."
Rewritten a bit differently.
chiisu81 wrote:- Page 51, Sashra stats: bold spell names
Fixed. Corrected a few other small details.
chiisu81 wrote:- Page 51, 35. Metal Lizard, 3rd paragraph: change "...to proved the proper light..." to "to provide the proper light"
Fixed.
chiisu81 wrote:- Page 52, 1st boxed text: change "You see stone archway.." to "You see a stone archway"
Fixed.
chiisu81 wrote:- Page 57; correct BF2 copyright date to 2005-2015 (to match what's on BF2's title page)
Done.

Gah. Okay, that's all of it. I'll upload a new revision shortly.
My personal site: www.gonnerman.org
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