BF2 Fortress, Tomb, and Tower

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Solomoriah
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Re: BF2 Fortress, Tomb, and Tower

Post Sat May 30, 2015 5:43 pm

Ah, so that was your contribution. I thought so, but I wasn't sure. Memory's not so good anymore...
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chiisu81
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Re: BF2 Fortress, Tomb, and Tower

Post Fri Jul 24, 2015 8:24 am

You mentioned that one artwork by Al was to be the new revised/dark cover for BF2. Is there anything else I'd need to check the BF2 text for besides flow at this point?
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Re: BF2 Fortress, Tomb, and Tower

Post Fri Jul 24, 2015 9:08 am

I don't think so.
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chiisu81
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Re: BF2 Fortress, Tomb, and Tower

Post Fri Jul 24, 2015 9:21 am

Ok, printing out r20 for a final look-over this morning.
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Re: BF2 Fortress, Tomb, and Tower

Post Mon Jul 27, 2015 8:40 am

Alrighty I'm still checking things, but here's things so far:

Page 1, adventure blurbs, end of 2nd boxed text: Tomb of Karsma Megalos starts on Page 24
Page 6, 3rd paragraph: Melana is strong, brutal, and cruel
Page 11, first boxed text: filmy or flimsy?
Page 13: "Key to the Upper Level" should be above 29. Washroom
Page 16, bottom right: bottom of boxed text box cut-off by artwork
Page 18, 41. Sitting Room, 2nd paragraph: ... when you clap and say "Stop";
Page 20, 49. Alchemist's Room, boxed text: .. a bed, a footlocker, and an armoire.
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Re: BF2 Fortress, Tomb, and Tower

Post Mon Jul 27, 2015 10:30 am

chiisu81 wrote:Alrighty I'm still checking things, but here's things so far:

Page 1, adventure blurbs, end of 2nd boxed text: Tomb of Karsma Megalos starts on Page 24
Fixed.
chiisu81 wrote:Page 6, 3rd paragraph: Melana is strong, brutal, and cruel
Fixed.
chiisu81 wrote:Page 11, first boxed text: filmy or flimsy?
Filmy. The text is correct as is.
chiisu81 wrote:Page 13: "Key to the Upper Level" should be above 29. Washroom
Flow error. We'll have to watch for that in the next version.
chiisu81 wrote:Page 16, bottom right: bottom of boxed text box cut-off by artwork
Again, flow error.
chiisu81 wrote:Page 18, 41. Sitting Room, 2nd paragraph: ... when you clap and say "Stop";
I broke up the sentence.
chiisu81 wrote:Page 20, 49. Alchemist's Room, boxed text: .. a bed, a footlocker, and an armoire.
Fixed.

As long as you're finding textual errors, there's no point in worrying to much about flow errors.
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chiisu81
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Re: BF2 Fortress, Tomb, and Tower

Post Mon Jul 27, 2015 1:37 pm

Just one error in the Tomb of Karsma Megalos section:
Page 30, boxed text: ... but the throne on which it sits is made...
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Re: BF2 Fortress, Tomb, and Tower

Post Mon Jul 27, 2015 1:53 pm

Correction made. I've revised some of the Tomb's intro text, so I wouldn't mind a second review after I upload it. But I'll wait for you to finish your pass before I do that.
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chiisu81
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Re: BF2 Fortress, Tomb, and Tower

Post Tue Jul 28, 2015 8:40 am

Page 33, The History of the Tower, 1st paragraph: ... about his business for many years his sudden disappearace. (fragment)
Page 35, T1. Grand Hall, 2nd paragraph: The flea infestation is uncomfortable, itchy, and unsightly...
Page 36, T3. Guest Room, 1st paragraph: A gear has broken, a long time ago, freezing... (delete first comma)
Page 36, "If the party spends more than two turns in this room" sentence: change to ... "will hear or see them (see page 34 for their stats)."
Page 37, 1st sentence: ... on a 1, 2, or 3 on 1d6.
Page 37, 1st paragraph: change "...and will thereafter fight to kill." to "... and will thereafter fight to the death."
Page 37, T6. Tower Basement: change "Two-hand cranks connected" to "Two-hand cranks are connected"
Page 37, T6. Tower Basement: change "...in either direction but will not..." to "in either direction, but will not"
Page 38, 1. Entry Room, 2nd paragraph: change "...to save versus Poison or suffer effects temporary" to "to save vs. Poison or suffer the effects of temporary"
Page 39, 1st paragraph: change "...prevents them), then if attacked," to "...prevents them) and then if attacked,"
Page 39, 6. Warrior's Den, 2nd paragraph: change "...drain, and living under the bed;" to "...drain, and live under the bed;"
Page 43, 21. Crypt of Walgren, boxed text: change "...are thickly hung with spiderwebs." to "...are thick with spiderwebs."
Page 43, 22. Entry Room, 2nd paragraph: capitalize Stat names, bold "charm person"
Page 44, 1st full paragraph: capitalize Stat names
Page 44, 1st boxed text: change "...T-junction to another ten-foot-wide..." to "...T-junction with another ten-foot-wide..."
Page 45, 4th paragraph: "Very small, concealed vents in this level prevent the fumes from escaping to other levels of the dungeon." Wouldn't vents actually do the opposite?
Page 45, boxed text: "... of the usual hour, minute, and seconds hands,"
Page 45, 24. Machining Room: change first sentence to "If the machinery is examined, it will be found to be comprised of abrasive wheels, cutting discs, and other devices..."
Page 46, 1st full paragraph: "Assume that the party can take up to 5,000 pounds..." Ok maybe on multiple trips, but still a tad high?
Page 46, 4th paragraph; capitalize int
Page 46, boxed text, last sentence: "Long iron tongs, heavy iron snips, and other tools..."
Page 48, 28. Mayhem, 3rd paragraph: lower-case "Lizard Men"
Page 50, 33. Bone Golem, 1st boxed text: change to "The wooden doors..."
Page 51, 1st sentence: change to "its four arms unfold, and it attacks..."
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Re: BF2 Fortress, Tomb, and Tower

Post Sun Sep 13, 2015 4:14 pm

:cry:
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