The Carven (A New Race, I need some feedback)

Creating game materials? Monsters, spells, classes, adventures? This is the place!
User avatar
Dimirag
Posts: 2351
Joined: Thu Oct 06, 2011 1:24 pm
Location: Buenos Aires (C.A.B.A.), Argentina
Contact:

Re: The Carven (A New Race, I need some feedback)

Post Tue Jan 06, 2015 6:43 pm

Now you know why I write so poorly from time to time :lol:

We have people from lots of places around here, we are a global community :D
Sorry for any misspelling or writing error, I am not a native English speaker
Drawing portfolio: https://www.instagram.com/m.serena_dimirag/
User avatar
SmootRK
Posts: 3703
Joined: Sun Mar 08, 2009 10:03 am
Location: Colorado Springs, CO

Re: The Carven (A New Race, I need some feedback)

Post Tue Jan 06, 2015 7:46 pm

The name you choose does not necessary have to directly describe the race. They could have a name that isn't even a derivative of anything in particular. Of course it can, but you should not be constrained to that sort of naming.

That said, I like the idea of the carved.

Carved (perhaps with a different pronunciation such as Car-vehd)
Carven

or derive from another language:
German: carved = Geschnitzt or lumber = Holzen
Croation: carved = urezan or lumber = klade

Google Translate can assist greatly.
Is it really the end, not some crazy dream?

See my shirt designs: https://teespring.com/stores/viking-life
User avatar
teaman
Posts: 758
Joined: Mon Aug 15, 2011 3:04 pm
Contact:

Re: The Carven (A New Race, I need some feedback)

Post Tue Jan 06, 2015 8:10 pm

SmootRK wrote:The name you choose does not necessary have to directly describe the race. They could have a name that isn't even a derivative of anything in particular. Of course it can, but you should not be constrained to that sort of naming.

That said, I like the idea of the carved.

Carved (perhaps with a different pronunciation such as Car-vehd)
Carven

or derive from another language:
German: carved = Geschnitzt or lumber = Holzen
Croation: carved = urezan or lumber = klade

Google Translate can assist greatly.
Thanks SmootRK. I like Urezan, may use that as the wizard kings name. Though I'd still like to keep the race name as something recognizable, that gives some flavor of the race.

These discussions have been great, helping me get away from the warforged a bit, to think about what might be unique about this kind of construct race.

Would anyone want to play a wooden robot with a built-in conscience?
Teaman is the sole proprietor of Sharp Mountain Games at drivethrurpg.com. (Soon he'll be able to purchase the name brand peanut butter!). Come take a look if you have some time.

http://drivethrurpg.com/browse/pub/8418 ... tain-Games
User avatar
Dimirag
Posts: 2351
Joined: Thu Oct 06, 2011 1:24 pm
Location: Buenos Aires (C.A.B.A.), Argentina
Contact:

Re: The Carven (A New Race, I need some feedback)

Post Tue Jan 06, 2015 8:15 pm

Only if I can name it G'Branch and limit his vocabulary to "I am G'Braaaaaanch"
Sorry for any misspelling or writing error, I am not a native English speaker
Drawing portfolio: https://www.instagram.com/m.serena_dimirag/
User avatar
teaman
Posts: 758
Joined: Mon Aug 15, 2011 3:04 pm
Contact:

The Carven, Version 2.0 (I think it is MUCH better now)

Post Sat Jan 10, 2015 7:34 am

The Carven

Legends tell of the ancient wizard-king Caladeus, whose knowledge and kindness surpassed all kings who went before, and all who have come since. One legend claims that he carved many wooden figures, and gave them intelligent life. They assisted him in his magical research, and some even took up arms to protect his kingdom. However, fearing the ambitions of others, he ordered them to leave his kingdom upon his death. They faded from civilization, becoming the subject of many fairy stories

Recently, some of the Carven have made their way back to more populated lands. Some hope to learn more of magic, some to serve again as protectors of the innocent and the good. In their calm hearts, they hope that their race may once again join with the wider world.

Description: Carven resemble men and women carved entirely of wood. Their faces and bodies are generally smooth and plain. They wear clothing and shoes to protect their bodies. Carven stand around five to six feet tall and typically weigh around 120 pounds. Their complexions vary with their wood: from light golden pine to deep mahogany. Carven move quietly and gracefully, like finely crafted machine. They are typically inquisitive, and logical. Some find them emotionless, though this is misleading. They show great loyalty to their companions and great concern for the good and innocent of any race. Unless they are killed, they have an indefinite lifespan.

Restrictions: Carven may become clerics, fighters or magic-users. They are required to have a minimum Intelligence of 9. Due to their unusual appearance, they may not have a Charisma higher than 17. They gain only half the hit points (round up) from healing potions crafted for the other races. This restriction does not apply to healing spells or potions crafted specifically for plants and trees.

Special Abilities: All Carven receive a +1 to their armor class due to their resilient nature. They never roll lower than six-sided dice (d6) for hit points. They do not need to eat, drink or sleep. In a forested environment, they can blend in with the trees. As long as they remain still, there is only a 10% chance that they will be detected. If they wish to scout ahead, there is only a 30% chance of detection provided they are wearing leather armor or less.

Saving Throws: Carven save at +3 vs. Death Ray or Poison, and +2 vs. spells.



Any more comments are VERY welcome. I'd like to clean it up and post it in the showcase in the near future. I think they are MUCH less like the warforged now, hopefully more like their mythological ancestors in Vulcan's robots.

Are they too powerful now? I tried to balance them against the other races.
Teaman is the sole proprietor of Sharp Mountain Games at drivethrurpg.com. (Soon he'll be able to purchase the name brand peanut butter!). Come take a look if you have some time.

http://drivethrurpg.com/browse/pub/8418 ... tain-Games
User avatar
teaman
Posts: 758
Joined: Mon Aug 15, 2011 3:04 pm
Contact:

Re: The Carven (A New Race, I need some feedback)

Post Sat Jan 10, 2015 8:03 am

Here's a sketch (NOT THE FINAL ONE)

Image
Teaman is the sole proprietor of Sharp Mountain Games at drivethrurpg.com. (Soon he'll be able to purchase the name brand peanut butter!). Come take a look if you have some time.

http://drivethrurpg.com/browse/pub/8418 ... tain-Games
User avatar
SmootRK
Posts: 3703
Joined: Sun Mar 08, 2009 10:03 am
Location: Colorado Springs, CO

Re: The Carven (A New Race, I need some feedback)

Post Sat Jan 10, 2015 8:25 am

I was imagining their bodies looking a lot like those wooden art props that help artists to draw the human form in various poses.
Is it really the end, not some crazy dream?

See my shirt designs: https://teespring.com/stores/viking-life
User avatar
teaman
Posts: 758
Joined: Mon Aug 15, 2011 3:04 pm
Contact:

Re: The Carven (A New Race, I need some feedback)

Post Sat Jan 10, 2015 8:55 am

That's kinda why I made their faces smooth, but I will take that into account with with final pictures. I'm not 100% happy with the ears, so making them smaller would give them the art dummy look.

I need to draw a female one as well.
Teaman is the sole proprietor of Sharp Mountain Games at drivethrurpg.com. (Soon he'll be able to purchase the name brand peanut butter!). Come take a look if you have some time.

http://drivethrurpg.com/browse/pub/8418 ... tain-Games
User avatar
teaman
Posts: 758
Joined: Mon Aug 15, 2011 3:04 pm
Contact:

Re: The Carven (A New Race, I need some feedback)

Post Sat Jan 10, 2015 8:00 pm

Here's the final image:

Image

The non-cutoff version is at:

http://i1315.photobucket.com/albums/t59 ... 4b16c8.jpg
Teaman is the sole proprietor of Sharp Mountain Games at drivethrurpg.com. (Soon he'll be able to purchase the name brand peanut butter!). Come take a look if you have some time.

http://drivethrurpg.com/browse/pub/8418 ... tain-Games
User avatar
teaman
Posts: 758
Joined: Mon Aug 15, 2011 3:04 pm
Contact:

Re: The Carven (A New Race, I need some feedback)

Post Sun Jan 11, 2015 10:16 am

A final version is posted in the Showcase.

Now, final means that it is always open to a little tweaking (as with all things BFRPG). So if you find any mistakes, or have any thoughts, please post them here or in the comment section. My goal was to make a less steam-punk type of wooden race, one that could sit comfortably alongside the traditional races, maybe even like they'd been there all along.

Now, whether I achieved that is up to you. Please let me know.

Here's a direct link to the PDF:

http://basicfantasy.org/showcase-downlo ... ven-r1.pdf
Teaman is the sole proprietor of Sharp Mountain Games at drivethrurpg.com. (Soon he'll be able to purchase the name brand peanut butter!). Come take a look if you have some time.

http://drivethrurpg.com/browse/pub/8418 ... tain-Games
Post Reply

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 5 guests