JD has an automated method of checking the number of boxes, so we shouldn't need to worry about that.Clever_Munkey wrote:After my exams I finished reading through the hill giants section. After the holidays I should be able to get more done.
Entries with a star next to it are ones I'm unsure of, or being picky about.
I've also assumed that the stat blocks were correct, and there were the right number of hp boxes so I didn't check them.
I agree. Changed to "a".Clever_Munkey wrote:*(Pg. 9)
… The hill giant has the jade statuette…
Grammatically it’s fine, but it implies greater importance. I recommend “a” unless it is more important.
Clever_Munkey wrote:(Pg. 10)
…there being at least a 100 pounds of fine steel…
Just get rid of the “a”
Should there be wolves?
JD, this seems unclear to me; first, because I'm not sure about the intent of your comment I've just quoted, but also because the text does seem to indicate (by naming the area that way) that there should be wolves. Should we add a short explanation? And what would that be?jdn2006 wrote:The wolves are wherever the GM wants them.
Actually, it reads better with "that exits" removed entirely. The intent is not lost and the text is cleaner.Clever_Munkey wrote:(Pg. 11)
…The steps in the hallway that exits to the northeast…
Should just be exit
I've incorporated JD's suggested revision from his post above, with a little bit of editing tweakage for better flow.Clever_Munkey wrote:*(Pg. 13)
…Many of the crypt doors are inward and others are sagging…
Open inward? are open inward?
…decorative brass amulets with small ruby in the center…
Pluralization issue. Suggest “each other mummy wears a decorative brass amulet with a small ruby…
Eliminating "partial" leads to a possible alteration of the meaning. I couldn't find a clean way to fix it without rewriting; the current version says this:Clever_Munkey wrote:*(Pg. 14)
…(from a partial cave-in of the ceiling) partially blocks the way to the south
Consider removal for redundancy.
A pile of rocky debris six feet high (from a cave-in of a section of the ceiling) partially blocks the way to the south (area #13).
My preferred method of handling sub-room areas like this is to treat each sub-room as if it were a room (it is, really, so why not?) but title them as follows:Clever_Munkey wrote:(Pg. 15)
Jail and torture area
“b. Empty.” Is indented while the others are not. This makes it blend into the stat block.
In other words, repeat the room number, adding the letter for the sub-room, and do not give the sub-room a descriptive title. This way, when a sub-room flows to a new page, it's still clear where it is on the map.16. JAIL AND TORTURE AREA. Five bugbears ...
16a. A human prisoner...
I've revised this whole area in that way, but have not looked for other examples yet.
No, should probably be "or" as given.Clever_Munkey wrote:*(Pg. 17)
…Each giant has 500 gp in coins or jewelry…
Should this be and?
Putting the bonus value before the name of the item is a pet peeve of mine; even ignoring that, though, it should be self-consistent. I've revised the text as follows:Clever_Munkey wrote:(Pg. 20)
…a magical +1 sword (+3 versus…
All others are formatted as “weapon +bonus” e.g. mace +2
I'm not entirely happy with "gaze attack creatures" but cannot think of a concise alternative.a magical sword +1, +3 versus gaze attack creatures (such as medusas and basilisks)
Changed to "covering" as neither "to" nor "in" felt right.Clever_Munkey wrote:*Chest #4
…high-proof whiskey to a 10’ radius…
Should be in?