Basic Fantasy RPG Forums

It looks like a nice starter to me; could use a touch of Chi's editing magic, and a bit of layout hammering, but I don't think it needs to be a lot bigger to get into AA3.

Though more is always welcome...

Nice to see some new blood on the adventure-writing team!

Going to go through and double check the fonts. Chi thanks for the link.

I was having a hard time maintaining the document "style". Don't know if it is an issue with LibreOffice 5 but every time I open document the formatting seems different. Especially around the images.

Maybe I can have the party find something in the dungeon that leads to another adventure. Or add a side quest that clears out the rest of the village. I don't mind keeping it short either and start working on another one off adventure.

Attached UPDATES

Do what works for you. That's how my adventures get written.

Here's R2.

Chi does all the whitespace bother you? When I installed the fonts I noticed the spacing changed a lot and I tried to "squeeze" it back down to 5 pages. Maybe I can fatten up the story with a typical Kobold guard at the entrance or something.

There's quite a bit at the end, yes. If the second bear image was removed, then that last area should fit on the page before and will then get rid of the blank page between it and the OGL license.

If you'd rather add more to the adventure, then no need to worry about layout as much until the content is finalized.

I agree - I preach that all the time in my work. Get the content completed first then worry about layout. I will have some free time this weekend and will see I can get this little adventure fleshed out and completed.

Most of these edits are based on my personal writing/design style.

Though not technically wrong there is no need to include a clause about if the party doesn't accept the quest.

Room 1 boxed text says the children described how the cellar smelled, but the smell is not mentioned earlier in boxed text or description.

Room 2:
boxed text:
"The room is lit by a single torch on the north wall. This creates shadows with every movement."
suggested: (style/transition)
"The room is lit by a single torch on the north wall that creates shadows with every movement."

Suggestion: Add the skeletons in the boxed text, as they have fallen out of the caskets, and are apparently visible.

Suggestion: Remove the wisdom check. Surely someone in the party would notice without a check. If you really don't want it to be a sure thing consider rolling surprise (1-2 on 1d6)

Room 3:
boxed text: Are the feathers from the stirges?

Consider adding surprise for the stirges if they drop from the ceiling. (1-2 on 1d6)

Room 4:
boxed text:
"forest roof" implies canopy to me, as though they are now in the open.
"Trash and food waste rotten everywhere."
Suggested: (style/grammar)
"Trash and food waste lay rotten everywhere."

The clause about the bear should be in room 1 and room 5 not room 4.
Requiring that the bear attack may be too much for a first level party of brand new players depending on how they handle combat. Usually having a combat they can't handle isn't bad, but in this case there is nowhere to run.

Room 5:
boxed text:
"... and is furious at being awaken by the opening..."
should be (grammar)
"... and is furious at being awakened by the opening..."

Also curious that there is a bear behind a large stone door, but it dungeons don't have to make sense.

Thanks for reading through my little adventure and taking the time to proof it. I plan on incorporating some of your ideas when I work up finishing up the module this weekend. Like the idea of not killing of the party by forcing the bear interaction. Going to leave the secret room though to teach players its not always a good idea to poke around where they dont belong.

Polishing off the module:

Followed some of the suggestions from Clever_Munkey.
Removed one of the bear images to get the PDF back down to 5 pages.
Re-rolled the Black Bear HP so its a little less overwhelming for level 1 players
Changed the Bear Den door to a boulder - makes more sense.