Re: Fire Mountain
Posted: Thu Mar 30, 2017 10:16 pm
Here are my edits.
Fire Mountain Corrections
Page 2 paragraph 3 verb tense
Currently:
If the party give him a day he can use his last magical ingredients to create a number of potions, equal to the number of characters.
Suggest:
If the party gives him a day he can use his last magical ingredients to create a number of potions, equal to the number of characters.
Currently:
Leofric will ask each character which of the available potions will he like.
Suggest:
Leofric will ask each character which of the available potions he or she would like.
Page 4 – 8. Hidden Door
Currently:
The passage widens into small cave.
Suggest:
The passage widens into a small cave.
Should the rooms be renumbered so there aren’t repeat number from 9 on up?
Page 5 – 10. Prison – paragraph 3
Currently:
When they were first put in the cage it held several other prisoners, but they have taken away one by one and fed to Sycorax.
Suggest:
When they were first put in the cage it held several other prisoners, but the others have been taken away one by one and fed to Sycorax.
Page 5 – 11. Secret Passage – paragraph 1
Currently:
The passage ends in solid rock wall which conceals another secret door.
Suggest:
The passage ends in a solid rock wall which conceals another secret door.
Page 6 – 14. The Cavern of Sycorax – text box paragraph 1
Currently:
Suddenly you hear a loud flapping sound and looking up you see a large red dragon swooping down from high perch.
Suggest:
Suddenly you hear a loud flapping sound and looking up you see a large red dragon swooping down from his high perch.
Page 8 – 17. Large Bronze Doors – paragraph 3
Currently:
At this point they will be spotted and would be well advised to scarper.
Suggest:
At this point they will be spotted and would be well advised to scamper.
Page 8 – 18. Small Archway – Lizard Men
Paragraph 1 of this section states there are ”two lizard man sentries” there is only one lizard mans stats listed.
Page 9 – paragraph 1
Currently:
If the characters somehow reach the highest level of village,
Suggest:
If the characters somehow reach the highest level of the village,
Page 10 – Conclusion
May need to conclude the original quest of getting the black diamond back to Leofric and if he is actually able to create a cure from it. (It would appear so since the next adventure is set within Drakeshaven.)
Also don't forget to include proofreaders that made suggestions in the rest of the posts on this adventure.
Fire Mountain Corrections
Page 2 paragraph 3 verb tense
Currently:
If the party give him a day he can use his last magical ingredients to create a number of potions, equal to the number of characters.
Suggest:
If the party gives him a day he can use his last magical ingredients to create a number of potions, equal to the number of characters.
Currently:
Leofric will ask each character which of the available potions will he like.
Suggest:
Leofric will ask each character which of the available potions he or she would like.
Page 4 – 8. Hidden Door
Currently:
The passage widens into small cave.
Suggest:
The passage widens into a small cave.
Should the rooms be renumbered so there aren’t repeat number from 9 on up?
Page 5 – 10. Prison – paragraph 3
Currently:
When they were first put in the cage it held several other prisoners, but they have taken away one by one and fed to Sycorax.
Suggest:
When they were first put in the cage it held several other prisoners, but the others have been taken away one by one and fed to Sycorax.
Page 5 – 11. Secret Passage – paragraph 1
Currently:
The passage ends in solid rock wall which conceals another secret door.
Suggest:
The passage ends in a solid rock wall which conceals another secret door.
Page 6 – 14. The Cavern of Sycorax – text box paragraph 1
Currently:
Suddenly you hear a loud flapping sound and looking up you see a large red dragon swooping down from high perch.
Suggest:
Suddenly you hear a loud flapping sound and looking up you see a large red dragon swooping down from his high perch.
Page 8 – 17. Large Bronze Doors – paragraph 3
Currently:
At this point they will be spotted and would be well advised to scarper.
Suggest:
At this point they will be spotted and would be well advised to scamper.
Page 8 – 18. Small Archway – Lizard Men
Paragraph 1 of this section states there are ”two lizard man sentries” there is only one lizard mans stats listed.
Page 9 – paragraph 1
Currently:
If the characters somehow reach the highest level of village,
Suggest:
If the characters somehow reach the highest level of the village,
Page 10 – Conclusion
May need to conclude the original quest of getting the black diamond back to Leofric and if he is actually able to create a cure from it. (It would appear so since the next adventure is set within Drakeshaven.)
Also don't forget to include proofreaders that made suggestions in the rest of the posts on this adventure.